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1st Week of June 2008 Daily Summaries

All Summaries Written and Copyrighted by
(unless otherwise indicated)

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June 2, 2008
If this isn't a Match Made in Murderville...

Gert-resa quietly watches Gwen and Ethan, who are tipsy and giddy from their champagne toast. They are thrilled to have Pilar's blessing for their wedding, but Gert-resa has no intention of letting them get that far. "But how?" she wonders. Gwen decides to go over the wedding list and asks Gert-resa to measure Ethan for a new tux. Ethan wants to wear his old one, but Gert-resa is thrilled to follow this newest order. She starts with his neck, which tickles him, and Gwen suddenly sees Theresa instead of Gert-resa. She watches confused as Theresa kisses Ethan, then tries to shake it off. She figures it's the champagne and tells Ethan she's fine. She excuses herself to get supplies and on the other side of the door, gives herself a pep talk, reminding herself that Theresa is dead and this won't be like that time Theresa helped plan her wedding and stole Ethan.

Gert-resa tells Ethan she isn't sure about the measurements she took of his shoulders, since he has clothes on, and gets him to strip down for his measuring session. She coos over how big and strong he is and still tipsy Ethan demurs, "It's just sweat and genetics." As Gert-resa encircles his chest, Gwen returns and again sees Theresa there. "Ethan would never be interested in Gertrude," she reminds herself, and excuses herself again, leaving Gert-resa to do the inseam. From outside, Gwen listens to them giggling about whether to do it with his pants on or off and she has to admit, it's good to hear Ethan laughing again. Gert-resa teases that as long as he keeps his undies on, she's good, so Ethan drops trou', making Gert-resa's breath catch. When Ethan asks if she's okay, she shrugs, "Just getting into position to take you." She gets on her knees and breathlessly measures "firm" Ethan. He insists he's not firm (wink wink). They giggle, tease and make double entendres until Gwen enters, concerned to see Gert-resa beaming up at Ethan from the ground. When Gert-resa says she better re-measure his inseam, Gwen interrupts and orders the nanny away from her hubby. Ethan insists they were just getting the measurements right and tells her not to worry. "You're the only woman for me," he says, to which Gwen mutters, "Yeah, now that Theresa's dead." Ethan tells her to stop comparing herself to Theresa. "It's pointless. Theresa's in the past," he says, but he can't deny he'd be with Theresa, not Gwen, if she were alive. Gert-resa wishes again that she could tell him she's right there and grumbles to herself that Gwen doesn't deserve Ethan. Ethan, for his part, insists he's ready to move on with Gwen forever and asks her not to look back anymore. She apologizes, blaming the champagne and rolling her eyes at herself for suspecting Gert-resa.

After sending Ethan to get a box from downstairs, Gwen apologizes to Gert-resa for snapping, but Gert-resa apologizes back, saying she hadn't realized what it looked like with her on her knees in front of Ethan. Gwen explains that the scene reminded her of how Ivy's assistant Theresa helped plan Gwen's first intended wedding, only to use that time to steal Ethan away, which is what started their decade long battle for him. Gert-resa can barely contain herself at being called a "sneaky bitch", recalling to herself how Gwen leaked Ethan's paternity to the tabloids. She's as intent as ever on stopping the wedding, even as she agrees to help Gwen with the party list.

Sam carries Ivy to a hospital bed, begging Eve to save her. Julian too hopes his ex will be saved, while Esme wonders who would do such a thing. It was an unapologetic Viki, of course, but no one knows that... except an impressed Vincent, who notes, "We can make some beautiful carnage together." When Eve gives Ivy some adrenaline, she stabilizes. Everyone is relieved, but Viki remains intent on seeing Ivy dead.

In the hallway, Julian lets Eve know Valerie and the baby have checked out and hopes he/she hasn't returned as Vincent. Eve wonders why he'd take that chance, since Sheridan told Sam he's alive, while nearby Vincent focuses on making Viki the Bonnie to his Clyde. Esme empathizes with her niece, who survived her parents' death only to come to murderous Harmony. Viki says she's fine, which leads Esme to a side monologue about why she never married a good doctor. When Viki asks for her point, Esme promises it isn't "always going to be this gory" and that as soon the "fiend" murderer is caught, she'll find "a nice rich man to take care of us." Esme admits she'd thought it would be Julian, but Julian and Eve seem to be reconnecting - and then there's his smaller, backward penis to consider. When Esme realizes she needs a drink, Viki says she'll take a limo back to the manse. Once rid of Esme, Viki sets her sights on Ivy again, but before she can go anywhere, Vincent grabs her and pulls her into the closet. A nervous Viki promises to keep his secret and begs him not to hurt her. "My my my, you are one hell of an actress," Vincent laughs, happily listing off all the recent crimes she's committed of late and wondering if she also killed Esme's boys. Then he asks her to team up with him for a murder massacre, noting, "I'm a psycho and you're a sociopath. If this isn't a match made in Murderville, I don't know what is. So what do you say? Will you help me, my sick little puppy?"

When Ivy comes to, Sam tells her someone tried to kill her. She says the person came from behind, but doesn't know who it was. Julian and Eve join as she tries to recall more about what happened. Esme stumbles in too, reminding Ivy that she'd been on the phone following up on boarding schools for Viki, but Ivy still doesn't know who the attacker was. Esme wonders if it could be the fiend who killed Alistair. Sam doesn't know, but he does know he's going to get Vincent for his crimes. Eve and Julian leave for a moment and admit they're unsure about what they want to see happen with Vincent. Julian worries that if caught, Vicente may use his baby as a bargaining chip and even Eve has to admit, "There's just no telling what he's capable of." They return to Ivy, who's well enough to be cooing with Sam again. Julian is thrilled his ex has found her way back to her true love, Sam, and wishes he and Eve would follow suit. "What I wouldn't give for that," he say, adding in his thoughts, "And for Vincent to somehow get the help he so desperately needs."  

At the police station, Luis and Fancy apologize for having to flake on their double date with Miguel and Kay. After Luis catches them up on Alistair's murder, Ivy's possibly deadly attack, Sheridan's Niagara fall and Vincent's apparent return from the dead; Kay marvels to herself that no one will even be left by the time Harmony is consumed by the sea. As the couples sit down for donuts and coffee, Pilar enters, set on convincing them to leave town before Juanita arrives. After the kids catch Pilar up on all the haps, she suggests a family trip around the world to honor Theresa and spend some time together. When she says she wants them to leave that night, listing everyone from the kids to Sheridan, the boys balk. "We can't just all up and leave town," Miguel says. Luis notes he has a lot of cases to handle, while Mig's is excited about the upcoming triple wedding and Fancy is worried about her mother. Pilar is not swayed, suggesting a location wedding for all of them, which makes sense to Kay, since she knows there's a wave of destruction coming. When Miguel worries over all the folks who would be missing, Pilar insists they will just have to come. Kay notes Jess can't join them, since she's in rehab, and then Luis adds Big Sam won't leave Ivy and he can't leave Pretty or Marty. The kids apologize it just won't work. When Luis adds he doesn't want Sheridan on a trip with Fancy,.Pilar loses her patience. "Why can't we do what I want, just once?" she demands, making her sons suspicious. She shrugs that it would be nice, so the boys apologize it's just not a good time and agree to plan a trip for next summer. Pilar says it will be too late and insists on going now. Luis says she'll have to go without him, so Pilar changes tact and asks Fancy and Kay to head back to the manse for some girl talk.

At the manse, Kay is as worried about the future as Pilar, but won't go anywhere without Tabby and Endora. "Money's not an object," Pilar says, saying they'll bring everyone, but the girls just don't think it will happen. "Don't you get it," Pilar finally cries. "Juanita Vasquez is coming to Harmony!" Meanwhile, back at the station, Luis is frustrated about having no leads on Vincent, yet insists the loon won't get away this time. Miguel isn't so sure, noting, "It always seems like something in Harmony keeps good things from happening." Luis shakes his head, insisting, "Not this time."

Juanita holds Luis' photo and notes that though it's still too small to read, his uniform offers the town name, as well as his last name. Her henchman goes to find a print shop to enlarge the photo, but "nasty" Juanita does just fine with an old fashioned magnifying glass. "Harmony," Juanita giggles, beside herself with joy as they set out in the car to kill everyone who loves Luis. "You may uphold the law, but I am justice, above the law!" she snarls, shooting her gun off out the window for fun.


June 3, 2008
Not This Time, Honey!

Having finished making the guest list for the recommitment ceremony, Gwen tasks Gert-resa to order up the invitations. Frustrated Gert-resa bemoans the recent set backs that have her hiding out and wonders how to stop the ceremony from ever happening. Ethan returns with a box of goodies, including a list of vendors and performers Gwen wants him to contact and reserve. Ethan balks at the hour, but she says he can leave messages. When he picks up the phone, however, giddy Gwen sends him downstairs, claiming, "Gertrude and I have something we need to do that you can't see." Once he leaves, Gwen asks Gert-resa's help picking out the wedding gown. Gert-resa says the second one is amazing, but not the one to marry him in. Gwen wonders if the other was better, so Gert-resa stutters that they're both "lovely", but marrying Ethan might be a bad idea. She covers by saying it's not the ceremony that's a bad idea, but Gwen being overwhelmed and rushing around. "You should be enjoying this, not feeling frazzled and pressured," she explains and Gwen agrees. As Gwen changes, she goes on about how "horrible" Theresa ruined any chance of a "perfect" life for her, which makes Gert-resa grumble about what Gwen and Beccs are still putting her through.

Then Gwen shoots off to update her mom, leaving Gert-resa to hang up her gowns. Gert-resa curses the fact that Gwen is preparing for her wedding and then has a fantasy about what should be happening: her own wedding with Ethan, with Luis presiding. When Gwen objects to the union, Theresa pulls her brother's gun and takes aim. "Not this time, honey," she says before shooting. Gwen slides to the ground, the wedding continues and Luis pronounces them man and wife. After Theresa's wedding kiss, Gert-resa mumbles, "I love you Ethan." As luck would have it, that's when Gwen returns! Gwen asks what she said, so Gert-resa says she would love to find a man who loved her as Ethan loves Gwen. Gwen tells her not to give up hope. When Ethan returns, Gwen chides him for coming upstairs, but he swears he didn't see anything. They coo and kiss, and then Gwen again sets out to find her mom.

Left with Gert-resa, Ethan asks her advice about a recommitment gift for Gwen. Recalling the wedding gift he'd given her, she suggests a spa for two. It works, of course, with Ethan recalling how invigorating and romantic it had been. Even better, he doesn't want to do that for Gwen, since it won't compare to his time with Theresa, which was "one of the best days of my life." After he waxes romantic about his day at the spa with Theresa, Gert-resa asks if he still thinks about her, which he can't deny. She then asks what if a miracle brought Theresa back, but he won't let himself think that way. She notes Luis, Sheridan, Marty and Alistair all returned from the dead, but Ethan "can't go there." Then he admits, "My heart keeps telling me that she's alive," but he's sure that's just his grief talking. If Theresa were alive, she'd be there with him. When he tries to backtrack, Gert-resa pushes him and spite of his guilt, he says that if Theresa returned, "I'd leave Gwen in a heartbeat." Gert-resa sees hope in it, but his only hope is that he's not being a jerk for saying it, since Gwen knows how he feels already. "Once I recommit to Gwen, that is it. I couldn't go back to Theresa if I wanted to," he concludes. Gert-resa counters that he'd have to be with her if she came back, no matter what, but he won't break his vows to Gwen a second time. "Theresa being alive would be the best thing in the world: It would also be the worst thing in the world… because we would have to be apart and that would be pure hell." Gert-resa agrees and is even more committed to stopping the ceremony. She'd rather die than lose Ethan again and decides to tell him the truth tonight.

Downstairs in the living room, Fancy asks Pilar why Juanita wants revenge and Pilar tells her story about Juanita's husband raping her and her killing him in self defense. She concludes with the police accidentally killing Juanita's kids as she watched, which led Juanita to swear vengeance. The girls ask why Pilar didn't tell her sons the truth and she explains she didn't want her boys trying to play hero to unstoppable Juanita. "She would torture us before she put us to death," she frets, only to have Luis and Mig's walk in and wonder why she's talking about death. The boys ask what they were talking about, but the women refuse to answer. Pilar finally explains she's afraid they'll all die before they ever get to take the trip she wants to take, so the guys again apologize for the bad timing. Pilar sends her sons to get coffee and cookies and again warns Juanita's "more viscous and cruel than Alistair ever was." The girls want to help convince the guys to travel, but fear their efforts will only backfire. If the boys figure out Juanita's there, they'll "hunker down" for revenge. When the boys return (with beers, not coffee), the ladies say their having some girl talk, so they keep moving. Then Fancy gets an idea and whispers it to Kay, who says it's perfect. The girls take off, promising Pilar they'll get the guys "packed and ready to go in no time."

Fancy and Kay grab their boys to go home/upstairs for make out sessions in bed, while Pilar prays for their success. Upstairs, Luis asks what Fancy and the girls were really talking about. As she sits him down, she says they were all jabbering about going on that trip and Kay putting off her wedding. Luis notes he's heading up two investigations, but Fancy insists the chief can find someone else. She asks him what can convince him and he says, "nothing," but then she comes out in a sexy little outfit and promises to bring one for every night of her trip. Luis says it's tempting, but still balks at traveling now. When he goes to enjoy her new outfit, she pushes him back down and turns on some sexy music. "Come on the trip," she begs as she slithers in front of him. He pulls her into his lap, but when he won't agree to the trip, she climbs out and says, "We're not making love." She unbuttons her top and asks him again. He calls it blackmail, but then jumps her and agrees to leave whenever she wants.

When Kay gets Miguel home, she starts her own seduction. He asks what they were talking about and as she undresses him, she reveals she and Fancy decided Pilar's trip is a good idea. She promises her lips anywhere, anytime, "if you agree to go on this trip." He accuses her of using sex to convince him, but she is actually offering "sex like you've only dreamed about." Kay unbuttons a button, but won't let him make love to her until he agrees to the trip. He chases her around the room, insisting it's the wrong time to go away. She throws him a pillow and sends him to sleep on the sofa. He agrees to go away after he gets five minutes with her.

Tabby paces her living room, relieved Mig's has taken off so she can get down to practicing some magic. She searches for a way to "stave off the impending doom", hoping her spell turns out better than the NBC's fourth hour of The Today Show (which got Passions kicked of the network, of course). "Fate foretold but yet to come true, don't let your forecast be our Waterloo," she says. Her magic bowl barely releases smoke, but Tabby hopes it's worked. When the book lights up, however, she realizes the plan is still in effect, so she tries another spell. This time, the bowl sends a shot to the glowing book, but then the book glows red, which "means that an evil entity has just arrived in Harmony." Tabby can't imagine who it is, so she asks the bowl to show her. The bowl isn't "talking" and then a loud noise upstairs catches her attention. As she goes to check on Endora, the bowl shows Juanita getting into costume, but the image is gone by the time she returns, so she tries another spell. "Hours ebb away. The end is near. Please give us more time to get our butts in gear," she says. At first it works, but then it's "back to the drawing board." She covers the bowl in frustration. 

Juanita's henchman carries her bags in behind her and she is beside herself at being mistaken for a couple. After throwing some insults at him, she insists her focus is finding Pilar. He wants to rest up before the big event, which makes her call him a "pathetic weakling" before setting out to do some investigating. She returns with news on Tabby's house, where Mig's lives with his fiancée and illegitimate child. The henchman wonders how they can get close, since the Lopez-Fitzgerald's know what they look like. Juanita's answer is a dark wig and glasses, the faux name Amelia Hernandez and an American accent. Her henchman is somewhat impressed, though he doesn't really care anymore. They set out for their first kill, but the door is blocked by sparkling lights. Tabby doesn't even know her spell has worked at first and by the time she realizes, Juanita yells at the lights to get out of her way and they disappear. After insisting nothing will get in her way, she sets out with her henchman. When she shows up at Tabby's, gun behind her back, Tabby gets a chill.

June 4, 2008
We all Have Special Talents

Gert-resa comes downstairs to whine about Ethan, but her mother is too caught up with figuring out how to save them to listen. "There's a mad woman out there trying to kill our family," Pilar reminds her. Gert-resa says living or dying won't matter if Ethan marries Gwen and insists on sticking around to stop the wedding. Past her patience, Pilar wonders why her kids are so stubborn and says that if Kay and Fancy manage to convince Migs and Luis to leave, Theresa is going with them. Theresa says no way, intent on telling Ethan the truth and confident her brothers won't be convinced, anyway. Then Pilar gets a call from the bookstore, where Carmelita has somehow survived. She warns Pilar that Juanita is after her and recounts how the madwoman and her henchman beat her unconscious, tied her up in canvas and chains and left her to drown. Then she tells Pilar about Juanita finding Luis' photo and orders her out of Harmony. "She wants your blood!" Carmelita says, before revealing she's going to move away and change her name. Pilar promises never to try to find her and they say goodbye forever.

"Another life destroyed because of me," Pilar cries, but Gert-resa tells her it's Juanita's fault. They quickly realize Juanita is on her way, if not already in town. "We're all dead," Pilar whispers, but Gert-resa again refuses to leave Ethan. A tearful Pilar says she's obsessed. Gert-resa counters that Theresa is dead and Gertrude the Nanny is not in danger. Pilar says the disguise won't protect her, but Gert-resa reminds her how many people she's tricked already and insists Juanita won't even know to look for her. Pilar isn't convinced, especially since Gert-resa keeps saying she's going to tell Ethan she's really Theresa. That would lead to a media frenzy, followed by Juanita's attack, but Gert-resa says that's a chance she must take. Pilar cries that she can't stay and begs her to join them. "If I leave, then I'll already be dead," Theresa apologizes.

Kay and Fancy get Migs and Luis sexed up in their respective rooms, refusing to seal the deal until their respective guy agrees to go away on Pilar's trip. Both guys agree, but then at the manse, Luis says, "As soon as I find Vincent, we'll go." Fancy jumps out of bed, which makes Luis call foul. Fancy just turns her back to him, hurt that Luis chose a murderer and his job over wild sex her. She shrugs that maybe Vincent will keep him warm, as he did Chad. Then she asks him where he's going to sleep, suggesting his mother's. She grumbles over being rejected, adding, "No one catches criminals in this town. I could be old and gray by the time you're ready to go." He begs her to come back to bed, so she sighs that she'll go on the trip without him. "What a pity that this won't be waiting for you when you come home," she says, flashing him her body. She climbs into bed naked and again tries to convince him to travel, so he finally asks, "What's really going on here."

Kay seems to being doing better at Tabby's, where she's writhing and promising hot sex, but she rolls off when Migs suggests they get married before the trip. "You either go on the trip and you have the hottest sex of your life; or you stay here in Harmony without any sex at all," Kay offers. Migs demands to know what's going on, but Kay just says they can have fun as long as he agrees to leave. He reminds her that she's the one who said she wanted the whole family at their wedding and says, "Cut the bull, Kay." After Kay explains, she begs Migs to honor his mother's wishes. He just says he needs to talk to Luis. As luck would have it, that's just when Luis calls. Having also been caught up, he orders Migs over for some discussion. 

Fancy can't imagine what there is to discuss. The family simply must run from Juanita. Miguel and Luis are not pleased to have been lied to by their mother and their lady loves, but Kay counters that Pilar is terrified and Juanita is a monster. Then she and Fancy ask the guys to do it for their children, Marty and Maria. They remind the boys of the disastrous end last time they tried to fight Juanita and say there's no shame in running, but Luis shouts that he's a policeman and Migs insists running is against his nature. The girls say everyone should listen to Pilar for once, noting that doing so might have saved Theresa's life. Then Fancy reminds Luis the trip will be a lingerie show, while Kay promises to fulfill all of Mig's fantasies. They guys agree to go and to not tell Pilar they know about Juanita.

At home, an unknowing Tabby welcomes incognito Juanita into her home and introduces herself. Juanita (aka Amelia Hernandez) asks to rent a room. "Not many people move to Harmony," Tabby says, referencing the town's odd reputation. Juanita asks who else is living there and after Tabby says Miguel's last name, Juanita cheers, "Pilar's son!" She backtracks and says she's heard of the family, so Tabby gives into gossiping about the "good, hardworking" group. When Tab's starts talking about the Cranes, Juanita claims money bores her and asks for more about the LP clan, a Latino family doing well in The States. Tabby laughs that she knows all, so Juanita says, "Let's start with everything." Tabby makes tea and starts talking. "Pilar's a saint," Tabby shrugs, before getting to the kids. She says Luis must be a genius in the bedroom, since he's worked his way through the Crane ladies. Juanita takes mental notes as the family tree is exposed. Tabitha calls "late" Theresa obsessive compulsive, but then realizes she shouldn't gossip since her dear friend Kay is marrying into the LP clan. Juanita insists they're just talking genealogy and Tabby likes looking at it that way. She laughs that the libidinous family would bleed sex, instead of blood, but then stops gossiping again because the LPs have treated her well over the years. When Juanita mentions moving in, Tabby is beside herself, wondering why anyone would move to Harmony now. She says she has no room for her and warns, "Harmony isn't a very healthy place to live right now." She even admits she herself is ready to move on, so Juanita offers to buy her house. The idea of moving after 400 years leaves Tabby speechless at first. After she reminisces about the creaky winters and fab springs she's spent there, Juanita suggests she's in a rut and Tabby responds well to the idea of doing some traveling with Endora. "You've bought yourself a house, Mrs. Hernandez," she says, so they start talking price. Juanita flashes some cash at her and shares her one condition for the purchase: "That you introduce me to all the neighbors," she says, starting with the LPs.

Vincent brings Viki back to Eve's house, "home sweet home," and shows her his large art board plastered with photos of locals. When he asks what those locals have in common, Viki says they're "irritating". Vincent agrees, but adds, "They all need killing." He wants to split up the list and start. Viki balks, explaining she works alone and isn't feeling "all this mass killing". She insists her kills were to protect her and keep her with Esme. Vincent laughs, sure there's more to the story. "You killed your parents," he calmly accuses, adding, "We're birds of a feather, Sweetie." She gets upset when he calls her a serial killer, insisting she had to kill her dad because he was going to send her to boarding school and when her mom freaked out over what she'd done, Viki was forced to kill her too. "I don't think you thought that one through very well," Vincent says, noting that left her homeless. Then he coos that, "We all have special talents," and theirs is killing. Viki would rather it wasn't her talent, but admits it can be exciting, so Vincent gets to business. He wants to kill everyone in town, starting with Julian and Ivy, who wanted to send Viki to school. Viki smiles and repeats the pronouncement that they must die. "So you're crazy too?" Vincent compliments. "Yeah, me too. I knew we shared a special bond." Vincent still needs to finish off Sheridan, but he notes with so much to do, it might be best to kill them all at once. "There's a huge wedding coming up," Vincent plots and Viki is ready for "duck hunting season." When Vincent pulls out his preliminary plans, Viki balks, saying it feels like homework. He counters that the planning is the fun part of murder and she agrees that after the killing, "All you have left is that empty feeling inside... And then you start planning your next target." As they plan their big attack, Vincent feels he's met his twin. 00 

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