SoapOperaFan.com . . . Passions Summaries

At Tabitha's, Kay is a puddle of tears under her destroyed wedding dress. Noah, who is still upset about Robert and Paloma's kitchen kiss, notes the fire seemed to come from nowhere. Roberto, making a not-so-veiled reference to the kiss, suggests it was spontaneous combustion, smiling, "Everything happens for a reason." Miguel simply promises to get Kay a new dress, but Kay is upset about losing her perfect dress. When she spies a candle, she blames Noah for rushing in and knocking it over. Noah swears it wasn't him and Tabitha knows he's speaking the truth. After she quietly recalls "The Book of Disasters" setting it ablaze, she tells Kay there's no use laying blame. Kay demands to know why Noah was in a rush, so he points her to Paloma, demanding to know why his fiance was making out with Roberto. Even Kay turns on Paloma, who says she can explain. "Something came over me," she whines, to which an "apologetic" Roberto adds, "Sometimes, passion just sweeps you off your feet." Noah wants to "settle this the mature way," which apparently means duking it out on the front lawn, so Tabby calls a time out, freezing the group. She sits to search the book for answers, fearing the battle between the boys may be "the very event that unleashes those predicted disasters!" The book offers neither hint nor clue, so she begs it to tell her something. In answer, it seeps boiling blood and disappears. Tabitha unfreezes the crew and orders Noah not to fight. When Roberto chuckles he doesn't want to have to hurt him, Miguel has to pull them apart again. "How could you Paloma?" dejected Noah asks. "Now you know what if feels like," she shoots back, insisting this is just like when she caught him with Fancy. She tearfully asks why he can't trust that she doesn't know what happened, especially when she accepted that from him about Fancy. Miguel thinks they've all lost heir minds, but Tabby gets it, thinking, "The Book of Disasters is working overtime to destroy lives!"

Paloma begs Noah to trust her and insists Roberto means nothing to her until Noah accepts it and they embrace. When Roberto apologizes for their old feelings resurfacing, Paloma insists she has no feelings for him and Noah just orders him to stay away from her, "or else". Miguel steps between them, telling Noah, "Get over yourself!" He writes this off as just another weird Harmony experience and tells them to concentrate on their love for each other. When he insists "love" will keep them straight, the books rattles angrily, but Kay has seen the light. She sighs that the dress isn't what matters and Noah and Paloma follow suit by professing their love for each other. When Miguel quips, "Love will keeps us together," the book sends an angel flying across the room and soon everyone is ducking airborne tchotchkes, paintings and wedding favors. Noah screams that the house is haunted and Paloma calls for him to make it stop, but they have to wait it out.

When it finally quiets, Paloma runs to Noah's arms, while Miguel demands to know if Kay was responsible for the madness. She denies it and, upset over her destroyed wedding favors, asks Tabby if it was her doing. Roberto wonders if the town is possessed by demons, but Tabby simply shrugs that Sam said her house is built on a fault line. Noah doesn't buy the earthquake story and chalks it up to being "another bizarre experience to add to the list." He shrugs they may never know the cause, while the book sizzles angrily from underneath Tabitha. As the kids quietly clean up, Tabby wishes they'd leave so she could just zap things back in place. Kay trashes her dress and tells Miguel it's a sign, but he insists it's just a dress. As Noah and Paloma work the dust pan and broom together, Roberto warns Paloma to be careful of the broken glass. Noah says he'll watch out for her from now on, but Paloma is worried about the seven years of bad luck, not the shards of glass. Tabitha recalls that mirror had been aiming for Paloma, yet tells superstitious Paloma it's her mirror and thus her bad luck. "Just put it on my tab," Tabby quips, but Paloma is even more concerned when she sees a reflection of her sister caught in a splinter of glass. She bursts into tears, crying, "It's a message from the grave!" No one else sees anything, but once Paloma sees Juanita standing over Theresa with a knife, she is inconsolably. Tabitha worries things are getting out of hand and suspects it may be time to get the hell out of Dodge.

At the manse, Gwen tells baby Jonathan, "Dreams can come true." She's thrilled Theresa's gone for good and sure life will be perfect once she sends Little E away. "There's nothing that can possibly change that," she smiles, not knowing Theresa is back to her gorgeous self, awaiting Ethan in a green flowing dress. "It's exactly how Ethan described his telenovela fantasy of me coming back from the dead," she cheers of the room she's prepared and when Pilar calls, Theresa raves about being free to be with Ethan now that Juanita is caught. Ethan, meanwhile, is curious about the note requesting his presence in one of the guest rooms. When he enters, Theresa closes the door behind him. "Theresa!?" he gasps and struggles to make sense of what he's seeing. Relief floods over him as he takes her hands in his face and kisses her. As they make out, he fears it's a dream... Theresa explains how she went to Mexico to beg Juanita for mercy, was lost at sea and woke up in the morgue, having been rescued by the DEA, who wanted to put her in witness protection. She catches Ethan up to the Gert-resa disguise, putting on a little performance for him, and then announces that with Juanita in jail, they can now be together. She points him to his fave foods and champagne, but he says, "All I really want is you." Theresa gets choked up and flashes back to reality, not wanting to mess up her makeup. Ethan was right--it was a dream! She runs into the bathroom just before Ethan comes in. He wonders about the beautiful set up and Theresa reaches to open the door, but balks when she realizes he might get angry at her. She quickly talks herself out of the idea, but not before Gwen walks into the bedroom. Gwen's touched, assuming Ethan's set the room up for her, but Ethan catches her up, showing her the note saying to meet someone there. "This is kind of weird," she says, recognizing it sounds like one of Theresa's stunts. Upon hearing Gwen's voice, Theresa panics that Ethan's fantasy is ruined and then accidentally kicks something. Gwen and Ethan move to the bathroom, intent on getting answers. Theresa panics, but then realizes there's no reason Gwen can't be there for her big moment. "I can't wait to see the look on Gwen's face," she smiles.

Two prison guards cuff Juanita for her arraignment, but she's sure no judge will "dare" convict her. "There is no jail in Mexico that can hold me," she promises, calmly plotting her revenge against Pilar and family. One guard chides that her life of crime is over, but then the other pulls a gun and shoots him. Juanita's lackey uncuffs her, but they don't get far before the police helicopter has its spotlight on them. They run and hide out in a building, where he says he wants to get her out of town. Determined to take down Pilar and her family, she likes the idea of that and growls, "Danger will not keep me from my goal." The knife-wielding psycho demands to know if her lackey has tracked down her enemy and is not pleased to hear he hasn't.

On the heels of Luis' proposal, Luis and Fancy hear Pretty's tortured scream from outside the room. Though it sounds like an injured animal, Luis wants to investigate to be sure no one's hurt. Fancy suggests it's just neighboring lovers, but Luis notes the scream didn't sound like any fun. She agrees to join him, while out in the hallway, Sheridan pulls Pretty away from the door and orders her to get it together. Pretty charges the room to kill Fancy, but Sheridan wrestles her back and out of view before the door opens. Luis worries someone's in danger, but Fancy realizes it was the sound of someone's heart breaking. She feels guilty that all is going so well for them when someone else is that hurt, but Luis notes they've overcome their own set of obstacles. Pretty and Sheridan hide around the corner, cringing as the newly engaged couple moons over each other. Luis decides they should report the scream to the front desk and gets Fancy back inside for his next surprise.

Obsesses with killing Fancy or stopping the wedding, Pretty decides to use the abortion tactic again, but Sheridan references the boy who cried wolf and warns that Luis will realize she's faking. "You can't blackmail Luis. I've tried," Sheridan sighs. They try to eavesdrop on the couple, but the door is too thick. Pretty wonders what Luis' surprise for Fancy could be and Sheridan is astounded by her daft niece, reminding her they're in a romantic getaway. Pretty suggests the surprise could be something for before the lovemaking and sends Sheridan to bribe the front desk for info so they can stay a step ahead. She promises to await Sheridan's return and puts her ear back to the door. Inside, Fancy goes to freshen up, so Luis calls to check on his big surprise--the Crane jet. Sure that means he's going to elope, Pretty runs off to put a crimp in the plan. Sheridan returns to find Pretty gone and rolls her eyes at Pretty's unpredictability. Then she fears Pretty may have been right, fretting, "What if this is the end?" She rebounds, of course, and remains set on breaking up Luis and Fancy.

A blindfolded Fancy is shocked to find herself on the Crane jet. Luis teases her and refuses to give away their destination. Pretty, meanwhile, sneaks into the Air Traffic Control room and thinks, "This will be a flight Fancy never forgets." Then she drops some liquid into the coffee and says "Hi" to their pilot Stanley. She freshens his coffee from the drugged carafe and thinks, "Poor Stanley, this is going to be your last flight ever." When Stanley gets to the plane, he catches Luis and Fancy making out and tells them they'll be on their way soon.

Tuesday
May 6, 2008
What a Wild Reunion This is!

At the hospital, Julian wakes with a start from a nightmare that someone is after Little Julian again. He gives Little J a pep talk, reminding his penis they are somewhere safe now and all will be back to normal after surgery. As he dozes off again, someone enters wielding a scalpel. He wakes to see Eve standing over him, covered in blood and laughing maniacally. He screams in fear and she slices into him. Then the real Eve wakes him from the dream and he rails on her for putting his penis back on wrong and smaller. She says the nurses called her in because his tests were concerning. He doesn't want her to touch him, so she warns it's best to determine what's wrong. She stares at Little J from a few angles and then tells him, "Poor Little Julian is shrinking!" He screams again and is relieved to wake from yet another dream. He lies in bed and all of Eve's recent decrees repeat in his head, including the warning that if he has an erection he will die. "How could you do this to me Eve?" he wonders desperately. He tosses and turns and then paces the room until he realizes he needs to pee. The idea that his plumbing works is somewhat exciting and he goes into the bathroom, muttering over whether he should sue Eve. Then he screams like a wookie and comes out having peed on his bed gown. He's so furious he decides to clean up and track down Eve to have it out with her.

Vincent rolls into the kitchen wearing a nighty and points his video camera at (a) drunk Eve. He narrates the footage, going on about what a bad grandma she will be. She's horrified when he says the recording is for his blog about being an expectant mom/dad. She tries to hide her face, but he keeps filming and talking about the wages of sin, concluding, "It wouldn't surprise me if poor grandma didn't live long." She orders him to turn it off, so he asks why she's boozing again. She is of course upset about what she's done to Julian and his penis, and blames her son for making her do it. Vincent reminds she can fix it, but she cries, "I don't know if it's going to turn out the same!" He again chuckles about the wages of sin, saying, "Daddy Julian has had no control whatsoever when it comes to that part of his body. This is karmic justice." Eve won't agree, but Vincent simply refills her drink and insists she knows this was a "job well done, because you made sure Julian will never cheat on you with anyone else ever again." He goes on about what a slut Julian is, calling Little Julian "a weapon" used to hurt women everywhere. Eve loses her patience when he references God's will, insisting this is all Vincent's handiwork, not God's. She thinks she can repair the direction of Julian's penis, but worries how Julian will adjust to his new diminutive size. She loses patience again at Vincent's sarcasm and starts to walk out, but realizes Vincent's water has broken. "Mommy, your little boy's about to become a mommy?" he asks shocked. The contractions haven't started, so Vincent prays thanks for the miracle about to occur and takes his mother's booze away from her. "You have a baby to deliver," he points out. Refusing to go to the hospital since everyone thinks he's dead, he orders her to do what she must to see him through his birth and puts on his Valerie wig, so the baby will remember his birth mother being there. Then the contractions kick in, almost leveling the guy. He demands a spinal, but Eve smiles that with his confusing insides, natural childbirth is the only way to go. Julian enters mid contraction and is taken aback when Eve keeps calling Valerie a "him". He guffaws that she must be drunk again. Vincent recalls he's supposed to breathe, but when he starts his Lamaze, Eve orders the drama queen to stop it, saying it's too soon. She loses patience with the whole thing, demanding to know why Julian knocked him up to begin with. Julian reveals he'd originally come by to have it out with her, "But now I'm just sad." He goes on and on about Valerie being a woman, but Eve just continues timing the contractions. When Julian goes to grab Valerie, Vincent yells, "No!" in his own voice. Julian stops short and Vincent takes off his wig to show himself to Daddy. "What a wild reunion this is," he quips to his father, but asks that they focus on the baby coming. "You thought things couldn't get any worse," Eve chuckles without humor and passes Julian the booze. He takes a major swig.

Stanley, the Crane pilot, interrupts Luis and Fancy's make out session to promise a smooth flight. Fancy pushes him for info, but he refuses to blow Luis' surprise by telling her where they're going. "Have patience," Luis orders, promising more surprises. Stanley takes a swig of his coffee, while Pretty watches from Air Traffic Control and remembers spiking that coffee. "A plane crash is an awful way to go, but if I can't have you, no one can," she sighs of Luis. She paces the room, worried the plane won't take off before the drug kicks in, but then it takes off. She rubs her hands together over the fiery fate that awaits them. She blames Fancy, sighing, "If only you'd stepped aside and let Luis feel his love for me." Finally, traffic control-man Josh notices Pretty and asks what she's doing in the restricted area. "Do you know who I am? My family built this airport," she says by way of explanation, but he's not impressed.

Meanwhile, take off throws necking Fancy and Luis off the airplane couch. The pilot suggests they remain seated until they reach cruising altitude, but then he hears Fancy moaning, "Yes, yes!" and smiles knowingly. Luis and Fancy make the most of their privacy, while Stanley nods off. He catches himself and swigs some coffee to fight sleep, which doesn't help. He realizes he must land the plane ASAP and calls in a mayday for an emergency landing, interrupting Josh before he can throw Pretty out. She happily cheers the plane's destruction while Josh tries to talk Stanley down before he falls asleep. Pretty is not happy when Josh finds him a closer landing strip, so she knocks Josh unconscious with an award off the wall. Then she listens happily as Stanley begs for help, unable to see anything in the dark, let alone stay awake. As the pilot fights sleep, Fancy lays on top of Luis, satiated from their mile high adventure. He sips champagne and thanks her for accepting his proposal. She quips she'd never let him go and thanks him for planning their special night. The couple toasts their upcoming nuptials and Fancy reveals she's starting to have faith in their future again. "The only place we have to go is up," he promises, but the pilot has nodded off again. "You and the lovers are going to crash, Stanley!" Pretty sings.

Ethan and Gwen knock on the bathroom door, while Theresa psyches up to come through the door and reveal herself. Unfortunately, she spends so much time thinking about it and fixing her hair that by the time she opens the door, Ethan has received a text about Juanita escaping from jail. Theresa watches frozen in the doorway as Ethan and Gwen discuss the news. When Gwen wonders why the news affects them, Ethan growls that Juanita was responsible for Theresa's death. "I'm going to make sure Juanita and anyone else involved is brought to justice!" he insists. Gwen overlooks her being that "anyone else" and points out they're powerless to do anything with Juanita in Mexico. He worries she could be anywhere, but Gwen is more concerned with who is in the bathroom. When she hears the door lock from inside, she moves back in to knock again. Gwen and Ethan pound on the door, while Theresa panics about how to get out of this predicament. With Juanita free, she can't reveal her secret for fear of putting her family in danger. "I have to stay dead," she frets, but can find no escape from the bathroom. Gwen is annoyed, until she realizes, "Six months ago, I'd swear Theresa would be the one behind all this. Thank God for sharks." She warns she'll take "steps" if the person inside doesn't open up, while Theresa works the bathroom window, which is stuck. Finally, Gwen grabs an axe from the woodpile and chops an opening in the door. Ethan reaches in to unlock it. "Oh my God," Gwen gasps at seeing who is inside. "It's you!"

Wednesday
May 7, 2008
No Child Should Know how I'm Feeling now!

Wrapped only in airplane blankets, Luis and Fancy profess their love and coo over each other and their future together. Fancy is so happy she can't believe it, but Luis tells her to believe it. After they kiss some more, they toast their entry into the mile high club. "The best part is we both joined at the exact same moment," Fancy smiles and Luis thinks it's a sign they'll be happy together as hubby and wife. They agree their love makes each of them a better person and then Luis recognizes Fancy for not letting all the other ladies who were after him get in their way. She shrugs that it's frustrating, but she'd do everything to keep him too. They kiss to being together forever and start another love session, unaware the pilot is out cold at the controls and alarms are going off. A bump breaks the lovers up and Luis calls the cockpit to check on Stanley. He doesn't answer the intercom, so Fancy imagines he's put them on mute so he can't hear her lovemaking. Luis agrees and they get back to making love. As soon as he mounts her, however, the plane jostles again. They hustle back into their clothes and find Stanley unconscious. They get him out of the cockpit, but can't wake him. Luis figures the autopilot gives them some time to get help, but then the plane shakes and the lights go out.

As Eve gets Vincent set up on the table for his delivery, Julian paces the kitchen, swigging booze and trying to make sense of it all. "I cannot be seeing my dead son giving birth," Julian gasps. Eve tells him to accept it -- and to save her a swig for later. Vincent then explains he never died, since Spike offered to help Sheridan find Marty, and, "Being dead gave me the cover I needed to keep mucking with your and mom's lives." He laughs maniacally as he tells Julian that he's also Valerie. Julian fights the truth, begging someone to tell him it's a hallucination. When Eve confirms Vincent's story, Julian passes out. He comes to on the floor, but passes out again when Vincent moans and he realizes it's all really happening. Eve wakes him and takes away the booze, because she may need his help. "You used to wonder why I started drinking again: There's the answer!" she says, before running to Vincent's side. Julian asks how long she's known about their son and she recounts how Vincent returned to her after his presumed death, letting her believe he was a ghost. Julian says he hadn't believed her because of the drink, but she again cries that now he knows why she's been drinking. She goes onto explain that Vincent framed her for increasing Jonathan's dosage and then kept her "drugged and drunk to control me". She continues that because Vincent was afraid Julian would force an abortion, he threatened to kill his parents if she told him.

But the kicker is when she tells Julian the penis reattachment debacle was also Vincent's doing. After determining Vincent was behind shortening it too, Julian goes for his son's neck. Eve pulls him back and Vincent snarls that it was revenge for being abandoned at birth. Julian reminds him they thought he'd died and growls, "If only you had!" As Vincent groans in labor pains, Julian goes on about how Valerie was such a great employee and Vincent better not plan on using Valerie's insurance for the baby. Stationed at Vincent's legs, Eve gives Julian a reality check, reminding him his son is about to have his baby. Vincent yells that the baby is coming and Eve tells him mommy is here and all is okay. Julian guffaws at that, marveling, "It is a world gone mad, completely mad!" Vincent videotapes his mother at work, listing off all of her medical expertise, from gynecology to brain surgery. She refuses to offer a message for his blog and when he screams in pain, orders him to do his Lamaze. Once the contraction ends, he turns the camera on Julian. He asks Julian to put down the bottle and speak to his coming child. "No child should know how I'm feeling now," Julian growls. Eve tells Vincent to put the camera aside, but having placed bets on whether he was really giving birth, Vincent needs proof of it happening. Julian is beside himself, but Vincent sighs that he used an alias in his blog. Julian counters that won't do much good when his Crane face is all over the internet. Vincent realizes Dad is right and asks if he can back the birth up a bit to do some reshoots. Eve says it's too late now and suddenly Vincent takes a turn. His pulse is racing and he's sure something isn't right, to which Julian cheers, "Something isn't right! I'll drink to that!" But Eve sees that there's a real problem and Vincent has to go to the hospital. Both guys say no way and Vincent tells her she must deliver the baby at home. She begs Julian to go to the hospital, because he can't give birth through his woman parts. Julian hands her a butcher knife and tells her to do a c-section. She grabs his lapels and warns that Vincent and the baby will die if they don't get to the hospital. That's not exactly a winning argument!

Pilar wakes to a late night phone call, informing her that Juanita has escaped, and realizes she must get to Theresa before she tells Ethan all. Trapped in the bathroom, Theresa already knows. Gwen and Ethan storm in to see who's hiding and find... Gert-resa. Gert-resa says she wasn't hiding, but was embarrassed. She sprays some air freshener and demurs, "I was otherwise engaged." Ethan laughs, telling her she could have said something. Gwen just can't believe she let them break the door down instead of answering. Ethan asks about the note from Pilar, so Gert-resa says she sent it and planned the dinner for Ethan. Gwen lets into her about her being the nanny and demands to know why she's throwing herself at Ethan. Gert-resa flashes back to her telenovela plan to reveal herself to Ethan and stalls as she thinks of a plan. Gwen continues to accuse her of a seduction attempt, so Gert-resa recounts how mad Gwen was at her for taking a stand for Little E and reveals she was afraid she'd get canned for speaking out. She didn't want to leave, so she created a nice evening for the couple. "My mouth may be big, but my heart is in the right place," she insists. Ethan sighs that Gert is amazing, but Gwen's not so sure. He tells Gert-resa speaking out will never get her canned and this gesture was unnecessary. She just tells them to enjoy their dinner together and excuses herself. "She really is something, isn't she," Ethan marvels to Gwen, who just wants to know WHAT that something is. She also wonders why she never got a note inviting her to their special night and why Gert-resa locked herself in the bathroom. Ethan counters Gert-resa was just embarrassed about using the facilities and tells Gwen to enjoy the meal she prepared. Gwen agrees, toasting them, and Ethan toasts Gert-resa for taking good care of them. After they finish their meal, Gwen moves in for some action.

Pilar finds Gert-resa, who tells her how she backed out of the reveal after learning about Juanita. "Gwen is going to be with him, not me," Theresa frets, but the women know it could be worse, if say, Juanita found them. Pilar insists Gwen will never push Theresa out of Ethan's heart, but Theresa is upset that Gwen gets to be in his bed. Pilar is worried when Gert-resa comes up with a plan to stop the romantic night and runs off. Gert-resa returns to the room just in time to interrupt Gwen and Ethan with homemade dessert. Gwen wants to go upstairs for her own homemade dessert, but Ethan insists they try Gert-resa's first. When Gert-resa lights the cherries jubilee on fire, Ethan laughs, but Gwen jumps at the flames, insisting Gert-resa's tried to burn her. Ethan thinks she's overreacting and tries to calm her. She says she has a headache, but he serves up their dessert and sits with her. She's about to give in and take a bite when she spots teeth in the serving dish. "These are the kind of teeth that people use when they're trying to disguise themselves," she shutters, while Gert-resa panics over losing part of her disguise. When Gert-resa returns, she tries to look toothless and Gwen demands to know what's going on.

Juanita is feeling cooped up in her hiding place and anxious for her lackey to return with Pilar's location information. When he returns without anything new, Juanita grabs his manly jewels and squeezes. Caught in her grip, he swears he's got everything on the effort and that they will find her. She takes out her gun, imagining she could use it to kill Pilar, and demands results. He demurs that at least Theresa and Pilar's sister and nephew are dead, so she aims the gun at him, saying, "I want the entire Lopez family wiped off the face of this earth, if I have to do it myself!" She recounts losing her hubby and kids to Pilar and insists the Lopez deaths accomplished so far are just a start. Her lackey thinks she's crazy, but says he understands and everyone is doing everything they can. She orders him to find Pilar or pay with the lives of him and his family. When he returns, he shows her a fax. "Isn't this interesting," she says. Back at the manse, Pilar imagines Juanita's murderous threats and feels her enemy moving closer, while Juanita sets out to the States to follow the lead. "I am coming for you Pilar," she coos.

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