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July 21, 2008
That was Then, This is Now

As Sam walks Kay down the aisle, Tabitha frets over where Endora has disappeared to. "She knows that after Kay and Miguel have exchanged vows that the Book of Disaster's prophesy will come true and they will be killed!" she grumbles, but then she's distracted by the screeching of tires. She runs outside and then runs back in, horrified. She's immediately followed by Edna in a floofy bride's getup and Norma in a red and black lion tamers tux. The couple is there to tie the knot in the "marital marathon". "Even you two lessies know no priest will perform a wedding in a church," Tabby says, so Norma counters blind father Lonigan would easily believe she's a "Norman". Tabby warns it's never a good idea to trick God, which makes Edna tear up. When she starts howling, Norma promises to give her the wedding of her dreams. Then she gives a short diatribe in support of gay marriage, but Tabby only reminds them they need to get out of town or suffer the consequences.

Pilar reminisces about when Miguel was in a high chair and raves about what a wonderful man he's become, but Gert-resa can think of no one but Ethan. As if called, he joins them, but not before giving Gert-resa a strange, hard look from afar. He asks her if she's okay, so she just pretends to be moved by the wedding ceremony and notes the couples seem right for each other. "Just like Theresa and I were," he says, immediately feeling guilty for saying so on his wedding day. Gert-resa shrugs that he's being honest, so he admits that he honestly always dreamed of marrying Theresa. Gert-resa empathizes and he again notes how similar she and Theresa are. "I'd swear you were the same person," he chuckles, so Pilar changes the subject by telling him he's a handsome groom. Gert-resa agrees he looks great, smiling, "The only thing missing is a gardenia boutonniere." Ethan marvels at hearing yet another Theresa-ism come out of her mouth. He knows she's not Theresa, but insists they would have been fast friends. Before he is called away, Ethan empathizes that Pilar must wish Theresa and Antonio could be there with them. "I've lost him forever," Theresa tells her mother, and then sits alone to fantasize about marrying him. He finds her again and empathizes that the weddings must break her heart and she can't disagree. He's sure she'll recover and find love again one day, praising, "Any man would be lucky to have you." Unfortunately, there's only one man for her and she's lost him forever. Ethan insists she'll move on eventually, just as he's trying to do.

At the altar, Father Lonigan presumes Kay must be a beautiful bride and watches her walk toward him, Miguel has to agree. He tells best man Luis this is their lucky day and then Sam hands Kay over, saying, "Take care of her." The couple takes hands and Lonigan starts the ceremony. Before they say their vows, Sheridan arrives. She takes a seat, sharing a nervous look with Luis. Then Miguel recounts how Kay knew they were meant to be together before he did and thanks her for never giving up. "I promise in front of God, family and friends to always love you, Kay," he concludes. After she recalls how she did everything she could to make him see they belonged together, "right or wrong", Lonigan says Psalm 150. Throughout it all, Luis and Sheridan continue to exchange uncomfortable looks. Luis even rolls his eyes at her as he thinks, "I can't believe Sheridan's here torturing herself like this." 

After Miguel kisses his bride, Sheridan leaves the church. Luis is not surprised she can't handle sitting through the next service - which is his. In fact, his fiancee is almost ready! She's with Ivy, who is tying off her dress, while mourning for Fox, who must be rolling in his grave over Kay finally wedding Miguel. Fancy counters he may be at peace knowing everything turned out as it should. Then, giddy over feeling so lucky, she asks her mom to pinch her so she's sure she's not dreaming. Ivy figures after all the hardships she's survived, she deserves happiness. That makes Fancy think of her sister, who will never be happy. Ivy hopes drugs and therapy might help. "Her scar healed, but something in her mind never did," Ivy sighs. Fancy notes Pretty and Fox both followed in Ivy's manipulative footsteps, but also says she and Ethan are proof that treachery is not hereditary. Then Ivy references the Crane crazy gene, noting Sheridan has been worried she herself may fall victim to it. Fancy is curious, so her mother reveals Sheridan knew about Viki and Vincent's poisoned sauce and stayed quiet in hopes of stopping Fancy's wedding. "That's crazy," Fancy gasps. She tears up over her perfect day, worried Sheridan will somehow ruin it. "Who knows what she would do to stop Luis from marrying me!" she worries. Then cameraman Sam shows up to tell her it's her turn. When she asks if Luis is actually there, Sam cues into the tension, but Ivy says she'll fill him in later. "Nothing's going to go wrong," she promises her daughter before the trio leaves, not realizing the camera is still running in the bridal room.

Sam promises the first set of newlyweds he'll have the wedding video ready for them by the time they return from the L-P family vacation and tells Migs to call him "Dad". When he takes off, Norma steps up to congratulate them. "If you need any pointers on how to make the wedding night unforgettable, you let me know," Norma tells Miguel, before handing him a bottle of KY warming gel and raving about the magic of it. Miguel takes it, figuring Kay will like it, and then Norma asks if they found a way to stop the coming disaster. They didn't. After Migs and Kay roll their eyes at more of Norma and Edna's sex advice, both couples wish each other happiness. Then Tabby apologizes for not coming in for the wedding, which leads Edna and Norma to learn she's no longer a witch. Tabby then begs them to go to Canada, Vermont or Amsterdam to marry if they want, as long as they get out of town. She calls for Endora, who still isn't answering. That crew is replaced by Pilar, who reminds the newlyweds that they're leaving town the second the last ceremony is done. There's been no word on Juanita, "which makes me feel like [it's] the calm before the storm." That comment makes Kay think about the real storm coming to destroy the town.

Fancy is back to her giddy self as she awaits Julian, who is going to walk her down the aisle. That joy doesn't last, however, because Sam tells them Luis is MIA. Needless to say, Fancy goes into panic mode, especially when she hears Sam has looked everywhere. "What about Aunt Sheridan. Is she here?" she asks, fearing her aunt has done something terrible to him.

Sheridan hasn't done anything, but she is with him. Luis has followed her out to the garden, where he tells her she shouldn't have come to his wedding. "I had to Luis. To beg you in person not to marry Fancy," she cries, insisting she can't live without him or his love. He admits they had a great love, but counters, "That was then, this is now." He's sure she'll find love someday, "probably when you least expect it." He recalls how she'd loved Antonio, but she wants her love with Luis to finally make it in this lifetime after so many failures. She cries that it's her fault for driving him away, but he won't let her blame herself. Then she admits she's done things as crazy as Pretty has and fears she's going mad. When he argues that she'd never hurt anyone, she admits she knew about Vincent and Valerie's poison. "You were going to let me die," he gasps in disbelief. She refuses to defend herself, even calling herself "a monster", but he doesn't hate her. Instead, he empathizes that she was "just alone and desperate" and forgives her. "Only you could forgive something so horrible," she marvels. Then, coming to stand with him, she asks him to promise they'll be together in their next life. "How am I supposed to promise you something that's out of my control?" he asks. He says he cherishes all their memories together, good and bad, so she asks for one favor: a tango! Luis steps back and Sheridan - and fans! - are treated to one last dance. As they move, Sheridan spots a pair of gardening shears. She asks Luis if he's heard the story of the couple who danced a tango so intense they both died in the end. He chuckles it can't be true. "But it could be," she thinks. Clueless, he leads her around the garden, while the shears loom menacingly in the foreground.

July 22, 2008
I Just Love the Nostalgia of it.

Tabby is still looking for Endora at the church. Though she looks a teen, she's still a baby, not to mention a witch in a church! She adds that being a teenager is even worse than a baby, so Edna tells the mom to loosen up. "You are about as much fun as an executioner at a hanging," she scoffs, but Tabby isn't interested in parenting advice from the mummy of crazy Beth. Norma empathizes it's tough being a single mother and wonders if it might have helped Beth had they'd hooked up earlier. Edna admits she failed her daughter - by not taking her to a nut house when she was five! Tabby continues to moan, so Edna asks, "What could possibly happen in a church?"

Lots of weddings, which is why Gert-resa continues to mope in one of the pews. Her mother suggests she leave before Ethan and Gwen get hitched and surprisingly, she agrees, but wants to stay for Luis and Fancy. When Pilar notes how gorgeous Fancy looks, Gert-resa questions why Luis isn't at the end of the aisle. Pilar flips right into Juanita panic mode, but Gert-resa is sure Fancy's got it under control. Wrong! Fancy's in a panic herself. Sam tries to calm her, promising to find her fiance. When Julian arrives to rave about the beautiful bride, she cries that there may not be a wedding. She's sure Sheridan is behind this, but when Pilar and Gert-resa join them, Pilar suspects only Juanita. "This wedding won't happen," she fears as she storms off. Sam returns without having found Luis, so Fancy rants about how Sheridan is off her rocker. Julian is shocked to hear his daughter knew about the poison at the rehearsal dinner. "She must be barking mad. Poor thing," he empathizes, but Fancy is worried. Sam suggests they keep searching, so Julian calls Crane security, the airport and the marina. That leaves Fancy to bemoan the ruin of her wedding.

As Sheridan and Luis tango, Luis reiterates that it's their last and that he will marry Fancy. "I doubt you'll ever dance with her like this," Sheridan breathes. "Such fire. Such passion." She again recounts the legend of the couple who danced a tango so intense they both died in the end. He chuckles that's folk lore, but Sheridan eyes a pair of gardening shears and considers making it come true. Losing his patience with her talk of romance, Luis grumbles, "It's not passion. It's just a dance." As he goes through the motions, crazy Sheridan has a whole convo about killing him in her head, concluding, "Goodbye my love. I won't let you suffer." She prepares to push him back onto the shears, but catches herself. She can't hurt the man she loves. But he betrayed her. She stops moving as she argues with herself over what to do. When he asks what's up, she backs away and tells him to go, shoving him away from her. Instead of protecting him, however, she "accidentally" throws him onto the shears, which impale him! "I'm so sorry," she cries as she races to his side. "You're dying!" Unable to live without him, she swallows weed killer as Luis gasps for air. "If we die together, we start our next life together," she says and collapses on top of him.

Ah, but it was just a fantasy. Luis finishes the dance with a, "There," and turns to leave but Sheridan's whimpers make him turn back. She asks how she's suppose to live without her one true love, so he counters that she loved Antonio and that it was true love, in spite of her having amnesia at the time. "You two lived for each other," he recalls. He also recalls how special their own love was and recognizes Marty will always link them to each other, but concludes, "It's time to move on. I'm telling you, there's someone else out there for you." 

In the basement, "Sister" Juanita talks lovingly to her bomb in anticipation of the big bang. Then she hisses over disgusting Gwen and her mother. "I may be a killer, but I am not a backstabbing traitor," she scoffs, thrilled to be blowing the pair up with the L-P clan. Her joy is cut when Pilar comes downstairs with Gert-resa. She doesn't want to have another chat with her enemy, for fear she'll figure out who she is. Before she can skedaddle, Pilar calls for her and asks if she's seen Luis. After she says she hasn't seen him, Pilar worries to her daughter, calling Gert-resa "Mija". Gertie responds in character, noting that if Juanita were around, they'd already be hurt. Pilar fears Juanita has Luis, while Juanita wonders who this ugly woman is and why Pilar is talking so openly with her. Eventually, they leave her to chuckle over her revenge.

A man carrying a travel bag walks the halls of the church and then stops to look through photos of Sheridan and the LP clan. Unable to see his face, Tabby, Endora and Edna wonder who it is. Tabby wonders if he's part of the evil heading to Harmony, so Norma goes after him. When he gets away, Tabby gets back to searching for Endora, but Norma stands in her way. "You ain't going nowhere Tabby cat," Norma threatens, pulling out her axe. Then she starts laughing. "I just love the nostalgia of it every once in a while," she says. Edna brags that her honey doesn't kill anymore. Little does she know Norma still has to kill sometimes, when other ladies are eying her Edna. Tabby's in "no mood" and tries to leave, but Edna stops her again. The crew goes out to the garden, where Tabby marries the lesbian pair. Norma tears up over her bride, but Tabby worries the wedding isn't legal. "If I worried about legal, there'd be hundreds of people alive today," Norma counters. "We've got love and that's plenty," Edna adds. Tabby joins Norma to Edna and then Norma reads her vows, which are odd, to say the least. "Everything I've ever wanted is wrapped up in the crumbling body," she says, promising they'll travel the world together, even after Edna dies. "When the big day comes, I'll steal your head and boil it down. I will never be separated from your skull until the day I die." Edna is touched, while Tabby roles her eyes and asks them to move it along. Edna tells her to pipe down so Norma can continue wooing her.

When Luis finally shows up inside, Sam and Julian grill him about where he's been. He apologizes he had to take care of something before the wedding and says he thinks Sheridan will be fine. Then he asks them to tell Fancy he's ready, but he's acting quite grumpy for a groom. When the guys go get teary Fancy, she is thrilled by the news, though she wants to know where he's been. Julian makes her repeat the phrase, "My wedding is about to begin," and then passes on Luis' apology. Ivy pushes Julian out of the way and notes the only thing to do now is fix her tear-streaked makeup. When Fancy is ready, Ivy sends Sam to let Gwen know she's up next. "It's almost too good to be true," Fancy cheers, but then immediately gets a bad feeling. Her mom insists it's just bridal jitters and tells her to concentrate on Luis before taking her seat.

Gwen freaks out in the brides' room, in a panic over Juanita's recent call. She tells her mother they must get her hitched and get out of town "before anything happens." Her mom is sure they're safe, since they're not in Pilar's family. "In fact, we helped Juanita. She should be thankful to us!" Beccs says, but Gwen is not convinced. She feels guilty, noting her goal was to get rid of Theresa, not help Juanita destroy the entire LP clan. Beccs is sure Juanita would have found Pilar, with or without her help. "My wedding is going to end in a bloodbath," Gwen whines, but Beccs insists they've won, having gotten away with "everything". Little do they know, Sam's video camera is rolling as Beccs raves about how brilliant they are and goes on to brag about leaking Ethan's paternity to the tabloids and framing Theresa. Gwen chuckles over how she enjoyed burning the proof in front of Theresa and Beccs gets a few more laughs at having ruined Ivy's life in the process, making her hate Theresa. Gwen feels mildly guilty about ruining Ethan's life, but is more concerned they'll be overheard and found out. She gets a bad feeling, but instead of shutting up, Beccs raves about Theresa having to pretend she's dead. Then Sam interrupts and tells Gwen she's a beautiful bride, so Beccs makes a pass at him. After Sam tells her to back off, they head back to the chapel to watch the ceremony. Before leaving, he notices his video camera, which has been recording. He goes to rewind it to make room for all the weddings...

With the music playing, Julian takes his daughter's arm and leads her down the aisle. Gert-resa can barely watch for her heartbreak over Ethan. She grumbles that if Ethan knew the truth about Gwen, he'd never marry her. When Julian hands Fancy to Luis, he says to take care of her and wishes his daughter happiness. Pilar tears up over her sons' happiness and wishes Antonio were alive. "He loved Sheridan so much," she recalls. When Father Lonigan notes, "I've rarely seen a couple so perfect for each other," Sheridan starts to lose it. She knows she should leave before she does something terrible, but can't bring herself to. She thinks maybe he'll come to his senses in time and then, as if to prove it, feels someone approaching. "Luis, have you come back?" she says, but when she turns and sees who it is, she passes out!

July 23, 2008
Fate is Trying to Tell us Something

Back at home, teen Endora zaps up some bicarbonate of soda for Tabby, who has an upset stomach. "For as long as I live, I will never forget the image of Norma and Edna getting married," she winces, but Endora thinks the whole thing was sweet, even when Edna had an accident and Norma helped her clean up. At that thought, she zaps Edna a wedding gift - no more accidents, which means no more diapers! Tabby is impressed with her kind daughter. Then the lights flicker and the ground starts shaking. Tabby is sure it's time to get out of Dodge, but Endora doesn't want to desert her friends. When the shaking stops, the Demon Elf appears. "Going somewhere?" he accuses. Tabby correctly surmises the dark side is still mad at her for keeping Endora, the most powerful witch around, from them. Even worse, Elfie tells her, she's committed "the crime of turning to the light." He spits on his hands to send her to hell for all eternity, but Endora stands between them. "The dark side has plans for you," he threatens, but first he has to kill Tabby. "By stealing Endora away from us, by using goodness, you made us vulnerable," he says. Tabby reminds him not even the head demon was able to defeat Endora and tauntingly calls them "losers", but he says that Endora won because she was siphoning power from her mother, which can't happen now. "Endora's no match for the powers of hell," he says and takes Tabby down with a zap of magic. Endora helps her mother back up and then turns on Elfie. "You asked for it," she says and zaps him. "I can destroy anything." Tabby tells Endora not to fight and to instead zap them out of there, but it doesn't work. They're trapped in the house by a spell! Upset she can't defend her daughter, Tabby rues her decision to give up her powers to save Harmony locals, but Endora insists she did the right thing. The Demon and Endora trade zaps, while Tabby hides behind a chair. When Tabby gets her daughter to create a force field to protect them, Elfie just keeps zapping their protective bubble. Endora begins to fade and a final shot leaves Elfie laughing. 

Henchy brings nun Juanita to The Wharf Cafe for lobster rolls. She gets angry when she realizes he's been off sightseeing and wants to get back to the church, but he says they should skip town before the bomb goes off. As if she would leave without knowing the LP clan is officially dead!

Outside the church, someone carries an unconscious Sheridan and lays her down. When she comes to, she utters, "It's impossible." Impossible or not, it's Antonio! She covers her eyes, sure she's gone over the edge, but he's alive and he's come back for her. "If I have to fight my brother to be with you, I will," he says, telling her he plans to spend the rest of his life with her and kissing her. She sighs his name and then begs for an explanation. "Another one of your father's sick tricks," he says, revealing he's been held prisoner in Boston. Keeping up with her through the news and papers has been heartbreaking, but finally, when the guards' checks stopped showing up, they took off and he broke free. He's relieved to hear Alistair's dead. When Sheridan sadly talks of Luis marrying Fancy, she realizes he must see his family ASAP! He says he is seeing his family - her! When she thanks him, he asks, "What kind of response is that to 'I love you.'?" She goes on about losing the love of her life, but Antonio is happy she has lost Luis. "I did not come here to argue with you. I came here to make a new beginning," he says, recounting how hard it was to lose Sheridan to his brother and then referencing their history through the ages. She reminds him she had amnesia when they were together and insists she and Luis were meant to be together. "You, Luis and I have lived through this triangle through the ages," he says, going on to suggest he's the one God meant for her to end up with all along. He talks of how Theresa put her faith in fate and suggests Sheridan see what's in front of her. Luis is marrying her niece, while she is there with a returned Antonio. "Fate is trying to tell us something," he insists and begs her to remember the love they shared on the island. "Our hearts were one," he says, but she can't think of it, having just lost Luis again. "You will never lose me," he tells her and then calls her love for Luis a fantasy. "Sheridan, I can make you love me," he promises, sure it's God's will, but she's afraid she can't stop loving Luis. Sure she can, he plants a kiss on her.

Inside the church, Gert-resa mopes over losing Ethan while Father Lonigan marries her brother and Fancy. Pilar empathizes and then tears up over losing Antonio. When Gertie notices Sheridan isn't in the church, Pilar notes how desperate the "poor lost soul" is for true love and recalls how much she once loved Antonio. Fancy offers her vows to Luis, laughing that her attempts at romance went over the top, so she kept them simple. She says her love for him, "sort of snuck up on me, probably when you were yelling at me, but ever since, the world has been a brighter place for me." She admits she's willful and stubborn, but that no matter how they feud over the years, "I swear I will always be true to you and I will always put our love first, because without our love, I am nothing." Luis keeps his vows equally simple, starting with the values his mother has taught him ("hard work, family, values and the importance of a good woman") going on to call Fancy "a good woman." He also references their rough road to the altar, which only made them stronger. He knows he can survive anything if she's waiting for him on the other side. "Now I know who the real poet is in the family," teary Fancy quips and Ethan is equally impressed. Gertie asks Ethan about his vows to Gwen, but they're just doing the typical thing. Pilar notices he's upset and Gertie guesses he's missing Theresa. He admits it and goes on about their love, which is too hard on Gertie. After she gets up and leaves, Pilar accidentally calls her Theresa! She says she misspoke, but Ethan says he knows what's up. She tries to change the subject, not knowing Ethan always gets it wrong when he says that. "They're twin souls or something," the dimwit says.

When Father Lonigan asks if anyone sees a reason Luis and Fancy shouldn't be wed, Fancy looks nervously around for Sheridan, but she doesn't come. Luis kisses his bride and the two are married to applause. Ethan thinks it should be him up there with Theresa, so Pilar tells him it's not fair to marry Gwen when Theresa is in his heart. He realizes he must go talk to Gertrude before the wedding, but Pilar tells him he can't! She then covers by explaining how Fancy freaked out when Luis disappeared and then suggesting he congratulate the newlyweds. He says he'll be back, but must talk to Gertie first. Pilar seems much happier as she welcomes her new daughter-in-law to the family, but the mood changes again when Sheridan walks in. "What do you want?" Fancy snarls at her, but then flashes her new wedding ring in her aunt's face and refuses to let her share her "very important" news. Sheridan rolls her eyes and says she's not there to stop the wedding, but to give a wedding gift to the LP clan. She steps back and Antonio walks in. Pilar runs to embrace him.

Gert-resa heads to the wharf to clear her head and literally runs into nun Juanita. Juanita asks who she is, noting her eyes are familiar. Gertie recalls they met during the poisoning and leaves her, but when she says, "Bye," something like recognition washes over Juanita's face. Pilar calls her daughter at The Wharf Cafe to warn her Ethan's looking for her and tell her to stay away. Gertie is amazed Ethan feels their connection when she's that ugly, but Pilar insists no one can know she's alive. "How would Juanita know that I'm alive," Gertie grumbles, as Juanita eyes her suspiciously from another table. Gertie eventually agrees it's too dangerous and says she'll meet her mom at the airport, but when she hangs up, she decides this is a test of fate. "If Ethan does find me here, maybe it means that we're meant to be together," she theorizes, noting she can't imagine Juanita would ever be at this random seafood spot. While Theresa tempts fate to bring her love to her and argues with herself, Juanita tells Henchy she has a hunch about the ugly nanny. Then she orders a few new passports via phone and dreams of her new life after the LP clan is dealt with. Of course, Ethan manages to find Gertie. "He's come to find me," she cries excitedly as their eyes meet.

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