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Monday
August 4, 2008
I love you... but there's a bomb!
 

Tabby, Endora and their house quake as they watch Mt. Harmony erupt via magic cauldron. With her mother's support, Endora tries to zap some magic at the bowl. It just turns to dust, so she tries to stop the shaking. That one does work, but Endora wants to know how to stop the volcano. Troublemaker Tabby only knows how to wake Mt Harmony up. Endora frets over how they can save Harmony when the demon spell on the house has them and her powers trapped in. Tabby can't believe her daughter's worrying about others when they're trapped in the line of the lava. She gets caught up in the "what ifs" that could have saved them from peril, but then realizes the barrier on the house may let help in.  

In the church basement, Theresa is demasked, dewigged, defanged but still in Gert-resa's fat suit as she begs Juanita not to shoot her. Juanita just launches into a diatribe about Pilar, vengeance and the bomb she's going to set off. The ground shake hits them, but not even that can shut Juanita up. Theresa closes her eyes and prays out loud for God to send someone to help her, crying that she doesn't want to die. The ground stops shaking. "Everyone dies," Juanita chuckles. Theresa tells Juanita she doesn't want to commit murder in a church, under God's watch. Juanita rolls her eyes. Juanita is not giving up revenge after decades of waiting, so Theresa says to kill her and let everyone else live. Not so satisfying in Juanita's eye, especially since everyone already thinks Theresa's dead. Theresa turns her back and calls for Ethan, praying, "I know our hearts are one. I know we share this connection. Please listen to me." Juanita scoffs at the idea that he'll hear her, but Theresa is sure he can hear her and goes on to tell him she's alive, but in danger. "I need you to help me," she cries, as an annoyed Juanita levels her gun and applies pressure to the trigger.

Upstairs, Father L again asks (again) if anyone has a reason Gwen and Ethan shouldn't be joined. There are still no objections, so he continues, while Beccs thanks God that Sam's video cam broke before anyone could watch the incriminating video. Ah, but then Little E thinks he has it fixed! He and Sam look at it while Ethan, about to go through the vows, starts hearing Theresa's calls coming to him amid strange tinkling bells. Gwen tells him he can't stop the wedding, but then the ground starts shaking. "Is it a sign to stop the wedding?" Ethan wonders. After the shaking stops, Gwen asks why he stopped and Beccs warns that he better not be backing out. He stutters an apology, but then hears Theresa's prayer from downstairs. "Theresa," he says, to Gwen's horror.

Ivy tells the ladies to calm down, before pulling Ethan aside and demanding to know why he's causing a scene. He swears Theresa was whispering in his ear and he's sure it wasn't a ghost. His mother reminds him Theresa is dead and insists he fulfill his promise to marry Gwen. Watching the scene from the sidelines with Sheridan, Antonio chuckles at how little Harmony has changed. Fancy figures, "All that matters is that you get to the 'I do's eventually," but if you ask Pilar, all that matter is getting the wedding done with so they can get out of town and away from Juanita. Still, she can't help thinking that if Ethan calls off the wedding, one day her daughter may get to reunite with him - after Juanita is caught, of course. Then Sam joins Ivy and Ethan and he too tells his son that he must marry Gwen, as promises, so Ethan sighs, "Okay, I'll suck it up and do the right thing." 

Everyone returns to their position, to Gwen's relief. Father L sounds as though he's about to give a long soliloquies on love and its history, so Gwen tells him to hurry it along. Gwen accepts her vows before the priest even finishes asking her. Ethan looks as though he might throw up, but also says, "I do." Father Lonigan pronounces them husband and wife, and the two kiss. Pilar thinks her daughter's dream is over and concludes, "There's nothing that can make Ethan leave Gwen now." Ah, but Little E is watching the video that can prove Pilar wrong. He just can't hear what Gwen and Beccs are saying.

When Juanita pulls the trigger in the basement, everyone upstairs hears Theresa's scream and Ethan again hears her calls for help. "My God, something's wrong with Theresa!" he cries, even confusing himself. Gwen can't believe he's talking about T on her wedding day. "Do not leave me at the altar," she warns, but he runs down to see what's going on downstairs. Everyone follows.   

It turns out Juanita's gun misfired, exploding in her hand. She is on her knees, crying over the pain, so Theresa promises to get her help in exchange for directions on how to disarm the bomb. Instead, Juanita wrestles her away from the bomb and speeds up the timer. "You cannot stop the bomb," she gasps happily. Theresa turns to run, so Juanita whacks her on the head and handcuffs her unconscious body to a column. When the "nun" hears Ethan's footsteps approaching, she goes to make a quick escape, but opens the door to Miguel, Luis and everyone else. "Don't let her go," Theresa moans from the ground. Ethan does a double take and after staring into his true love eyes, runs to her side. "Oh my God, you're alive," he cries, but Juanita warns that won't be true for long. Ethan turns to ask what she means, but Theresa grabs his collar. "Ethan, I love you... but there's a bomb!"

Miguel holds Juanita, while Ethan and Theresa make out and reunite. Then Ivy notices Theresa is wearing Gertie's clothes, so Pilar tells them her daughter's been Gertie all along. The chief is shocked, so Paloma explains they had to keep Theresa's life a secret for fear of Juanita. With the clock closing in on five minutes, Ethan and Theresa can't stop making out. Beccs figures she and Gwen should call Juanita now, so she can kill Theresa. When the priest marvels, "Two Lopez Fitzgeralds back from the dead in one night," Antonio breaks up the make out session to say he and his little sis have a lot of catching up to do. She suggests they take care of the bomb first. Juanita gets excited by talk of the bomb, but Luis shuts her up and calls the nun out for being Juanita. Everyone is shocked - at both her identity and the fact that Sam has another case solved. Pilar is thrilled Juanita is caught, but Juanita cries that the threat isn't over and they're all going to die. Theresa tells them they must get out immediately.

That's when the guys finally take a look at the bomb, with Ethan front and center. Beccs tries to leave, but Father L "accidentally" blocks her in. Ethan leaves his father to the bomb so he can find Juanita's handcuff keys. They're not on her, so Sam calls him back over to diffuse the bomb. Ethan insists they must get Theresa out. "How we going to get her out of here: Cut off her hands?" Sam asks. Theresa orders her family to leave, but Ethan runs over (with the timer counting) to say he'll diffuse the bomb. Gwen reminds him he knows nothing about bombs and insists they leave, but he refuses to leave Theresa to die alone. "All we gotta do is stop the clock without the bomb going off, right?" he asks. Gwen again demands they leave. Instead, he tells her and everyone else to leave him and Theresa (still not dealing with the bomb). Sam tells everyone to follow his son's orders and leave the three of them, but everyone else refuses to leave too - either to be with Theresa or the men they love. Theresa reminds them of the kids, but Ethan swears they won't die. After Beccs offers to save the children and runs out, Ethan starts working on the bomb with his father. "Careful, Ethan!" Ivy says, scaring him so he jumps. Ethan doesn't know what all the wires do, but promises his father he's going to figure it out. "There is still time to run," Gwen groans, but the timer is now under a minute!  

Upstairs, Beccs has found Little E with the video camera. He doesn't believe there's a bomb and asks where Sam is. She is not happy to hear the camera is fixed, but focuses on trying to get him out of the church in time. "Forget about the camera," she scolds. "The bomb is going to destroy the evidence!" She gets him out, but not before realizing he knows about Theresa.

Ethan still doesn't know how to decide which wire to cut. "Trust in God," the priest instructs. "God never built a bomb, Father," Ethan responds, but the priest responds, "God has never let you down." As Sam starts the 10 second countdown, Ethan says, "Theresa, whatever happens, I love you." Then he pulls a wire and the clock stops with 2 seconds to spare. Everyone is rejoicing, but Gwen's smile fades as she watches Ethan run to kiss Theresa. He can't believe he didn't see through her disguise, but now understand why the nanny made him think of her. She recounts how hard it's been for her, but he understands why she had to hide. Juanita threatens she'll be dead soon, but Kay tells her to shut it. When Fancy realizes they don't have to go on the run now, Paloma notes the big family trip might still be fun. Luis gets in Juanita's face, telling her she's going to rot in jail. Juanita spews her usual vengeful threats, but no one cares.

Pilar is on cloud nine at seeing her last child happily matched with soul mate. "Aren't you getting ahead of yourself?" Gwen asks Theresa, reminding her Ethan won't leave her now that they've renewed their vow. Ethan argues the wedding was interrupted, but Gwen smiles, "Not this time." She touches him lovingly as she calls him, "my husband through thick and thin." He stutters, not sure how to argue, but she just smiles that he took vows and can never leave her for Theresa. Ethan begs her not to do this and Theresa says, "Ethan is mine." The new bride's smile remains, especially after Ethan admits he promised Gwen. "After everything that I've been through?" Theresa gasps, but he apologizes that he made a vow to God and is married to Gwen. Juanita cackles from the sidelines, glad to have "some sort of revenge" and Theresa can't help thinking this is in fact worse than dying. Upstairs, Beccs and Little E wrestle over the video camera that can change everything.

Meanwhile, having heard her mother's new plan, Endora zaps Julian and Ethan out of the wedding madness and over to their house. As if the magic alone isn't crazy enough, Eve is floored when Endora calls Julian, "Daddy." Julian's even more confused, until Endora explains her self-induced growth spurt. Eve wonders if she's accidentally dosed herself. She covers her eyes and recites the Serenity Prayer, but that doesn't change anything. She freaks, but Endora, for her part, is just thrilled to be with Daddy and Mommy together. Tabby immediately explains that with disaster on its way, their daughter's powers are out of control. "A parent's influence on their children has a stabilizing affect," she says, theorizing that if they focus all their love on Endora, it will give her a "firmer magical foothold." Eve is still totally freaking out over the magic talk. Tabby insists they don't have the time to explain, but Julian does it anyway. Eve thinks Tabby's mad, so Endora explains how her heroic mom gave up her powers to save them all. As Julian apologizes for Tabby's loss, Eve suddenly realized Tabby and Julian must have done the deed to create Endora. "It's amazing she got through medical school," Tabby scoffs. She's not proud of being a notch on Julian's belt and he recalls there was booze involved, which Eve says is always his excuse. "Can't you see the man loves you, you silly nincompoop?" Tabby asks and then, desperate to get things going on the saving Harmony front, she shows them the show in the magic bowl. "The lava's heading straight for us," Endora tells her father. Tabby says her plan is "a long shot," but hopes their love will give Endora enough oomph to stop the volcano.  

As the trio takes hands, Eve wonders how anyone is expected to stay sober in this place. Tabby tells her daughter to tap into their strength. Endora says a reversing spell and it hits the cauldron, while Tabby mutters negatively and Julian tells her to be positive. "Focus on the love," she reminds him. Then she asks Eve to check the bowl and Eve reports the eruption has only grown. Endora is angry, grumbling that she never fails. "Uh oh, type-A personality," Julian chuckles. Tabby mutters that comes from his side of the family. Then she tells her daughter not to be so hard on herself and again wishes she had her powers. Endora notes there was a boost from the handholding session and suggests they need more hands. "We could bring Kay here," she realizes. Eve is floored to hear all the Standish women have powers and that Kay saved them from something called "The Dark Side." She is thrilled her kids are in New Orleans, away from the danger. "That's is!" Tabby realizes and brings Eve into the circle, ordering her to think of her love for her children. She hopes adding "another mother's love" will do the trick. As the magic light shoots out of their hands, Tabby cries that it's working. But it's not! Endora's sparkly magic is swallowed by flames. "It's going to come right out of the bowl," Tabby frets, but she has to admit the smell of sulfur brings her back to the good times.  
 

Tuesday
August 05, 2008
Show me the Proof

While Eve and Julian scream in fear over the lava shooting out of the magic bowl, Tabby and Endora try to come up with a plan to stop Mt Harmony from erupting in their living room. "It's all about love, mummy, so maybe we just need more of it," Endora suggests and brings in another couple who shares "true love". "I need the truest lovers in Harmony, now," Endora cries as light shoots out her hands. Tabby wonders which couple it is: it turns out to be newlyweds Edna and Norma, who are playing out an Ashton and Demi fantasy. They scream at realizing their back at Tabby's. "We've been Punked," Norma quips, but Tabby and Endora quickly catches up the two on the action and why they need the strength of their love. Norma is moved to tears and after an emotional soliloquy about their love, she and Edna get in the love circle with Julian, Eve, Tabby and Endora. "Feel the love," Endora instructs and Edna is blown away by the love she feels. Julian says he can feel it and even Tabby has to admit she feels "a smidgen," but they need more. Everyone tells everyone how much they love each other and a great ball of power grows, but the lava doesn't stop. Endora's still not strong enough and says she needs Kay's power. Tabby worries about Kay's lack of control, but Endora insists it's worth the risk and calls her and Migs from the church. Migs gets mad at Kay for using her magic, but she assumes it's Tabby. Julian tells them to focus and Kay sees the volcano. With an explosion, the ground starts shaking and Tabby fears the volcano is going to erupt in the living room. She orders Endora to get them out of the house, but then thinks it's too late. She says goodbye to her daughter, embracing her, but the shaking stops. The bowl is wrapped in tinfoil, but filling with lava like a popcorn popper. Tabby tells Kay to combine powers with Endora and Migs gives his permission. The girls clasp hands as the foil prepares to blow and their sparkly light turns pure. Everyone disappears around the glowing witches and then the bowl bursts and they disappear too.

In the church basement, Ethan puts the defused bomb aside, but his life has been destroyed despite his heroism and Theresa's return from the dead, because he's now married to Gwen. Luis tells his sister everything will be okay, but she says, "All my dreams have just died." Pilar reminds her daughter at least they're free of Juanita, but the hand-cuffed nutter still insists Pilar is not safe from her. Gwen is all smiles, so her best girlfriend, Sheridan, suggests she not rub Theresa's face in her victory. Antonio wonders if getting Ethan is worth it if it makes him miserable, but Gwen says to stay out of it. He goes on, noting it's obvious Ethan loves Theresa and suggesting that if Gwen really loved him, she'd give him up. Gwen insists he loves her too and turns to her hubby for confirmation. "I married you," is all he can say. Then he looks back at Theresa, both of their hearts clearly breaking. When Juanita calls them ridiculous, Pilar loses her patience and charges her. Sam interceded, holding Pilar back while Juanita admits she's sorry she didn't get to kill them, but is loving the drama. "It is delicious to know Theresa will be kept forever away from the man she loves. I couldn't have dreamt up a better torture myself," she cackles.

When first round of shaking hits, Theresa suggests it's God's way of showing he disapproves. When the shaking stops, she doesn't, going on to praise him for being a man of his word, but wondering how he can turn his back on true love. She challenges him to say he can live this lie forever. Gwen counters by going on about the holy sacrament, so Theresa says they can have the wedding annulled. After Gwen reminds her it was just a vow renewal ceremony, Ethan steps in. "Enough," he says. Then he takes Theresa's hands and tells her it's his duty to stay with Gwen. Gwen suggests she leave, but Theresa's sibs tell Gwen to back off and give Theresa some support. Fancy thinks it's not fair, but Sheridan tells her Gwen had Ethan first, recounting how Theresa schemed to steal him. "That's funny coming from you," she snorts, noting after all Sheridan's attempts to get Luis, she finally looks happy with Antonio. "Finding your true love has brought you peace," she says, and Ivy agrees.

Theresa steps forward, ready to make one more attempt, insisting Ethan can't marry Gwen after all she's done and recounting how Gwen exposed his paternity to tabloids, ruining his life. "Then show me the proof," Gwen smiles. They've been through this before. Ethan isn't going to listen to it again, but Theresa is sure there's proof somewhere. When Juanita makes another crack, Sam and Luis finally decide to take her away, but Theresa realizes Juanita is the proof she needs and reveals Gwen was threatening to tell Juanita where her family was. Ethan says it's impossible and of course, Juanita won't back her up. Theresa begs and then tells Juanita all the mean things Gwen and Beccs have said about her. "Did you know they don't like Mexicans?" she tattles. Juanita gets mad, but then insists she won't be tricked. The LP clan suggests cooperating may help her case, but Juanita answers, "The only way I will get out of jail is if I bribe my way out." When Sam gives her one more chance, Gwen asks why they would trust "a crazed murderer" like Juanita anyway, which leads an offended Juanita to admit she spoke to Gwen. Ethan asks Gwen if she exposed the LP clan, while Theresa insists Gwen's lies and secrets invalidate her vows. Then Juanita backtracks, saying she only talked to Gwen in her nun's habit. She's still screaming for Pilar's blood as Sam takes her away.

With Juanita gone, Pilar tells Ethan to believe his daughter and Theresa recounts how Gwen blackmailed her into keeping a secret. Gwen tries to interrupt, but Ethan wants Theresa to finish. "It's the truth about Little Ethan," she says, explaining she kept it since she learned it herself in Rome. Gwen says it's going to be another lie and even Ethan balks when she tells him Little E is his son, but Theresa convinces him and Pilar backs her up. Ethan can't believe Theresa kept the truth from him, let alone that all the LP clan knew about it. Gwen plays it off as if she didn't know, while Theresa apologizes, begging for his forgiveness and ready for his anger, but Ethan only embraces her. "You just gave me the best news of my life," he says. When Luis pulls Gwen aside and he and Pilar tell her to give it up, Gwen goes on a tirade about Theresa's lies and plots. Theresa counters that Gwen's lies are far worse. "Show me the proof," she challenges before launching into a monologue about being the only one who loves and respects Ethan enough to be honest and put his needs ahead of her.

Upstairs, Beccs fights to get the proof Theresa needs (aka the camcorder) from Little E. "Is that a new wrinkle on your face?" Little E asks, making Rebecca's hands shoot to her face in horror and allowing him to make a getaway. He insists he's taking the recording to his mom, so she chases after him. "Ethan can never, ever find out what we did," a voice says from the camera, so Little E demands an explanation. Beccs drops to a pew and starts crying dramatically, because all her sins are going to come out. He thinks she's referring to playing dress up with the gardeners, but she says it's more serious and he's too smart for her. "I'm just going to have to face the music," she hiccups. Finally convinced she's not faking, he leans in to comfort her. She grabs the camera from his hands, so he hits it out of her hands and it falls to the floor. Thanks to another quake, however, Ethan gets it back and runs downstairs, where Gwen is demanding Theresa show proof. "Everybody, you have to see what's on this camera," he cries as he runs in, adding that whatever's on it is good enough that Beccs beat him up to stop him from finding out. She says she was just "playing keep away" and then whispers a warning to Gwen. Gwen tries to get Ethan to leave for their honeymoon, but no luck, so when Little E runs to embrace his mother, Beccs grabs the camera from him.

Meanwhile, the magic lands Tabby's crew upstairs and they soon realize Endora and Kay are still MIA. Tabby fears they've been caught by The Darkside, while Edna and Norma try to decide whether to run. As Norma wonders if these locals are their friends, the ground starts shaking again, so they take off. Then, to everyone else's relief, Endora and Kay rematerialize. "We've been to heaven," Endora reveals. "Timmy told us how to save Harmony!"

Back in the basement, Ethan uses the new quake to grab the camera back from Beccs. Once the shaking stops, Sam reveals "Something bad is going on: the phones, the internet are down and there's a strange light coming from the top of Mt. Harmony." Gwen doesn't care. She just wants to start her honeymoon. Ethan kneels before Little E and says, "Son, I need to know what's on this tape." Little E doesn't miss the label and is thrilled to get to call Ethan "Dad." They embrace and Ethan marvels over how he always felt Little E was his. As Theresa joins the hug, Gwen and Beccs try to slip out. After Little E then meets his Uncle Antonio, his dad asks again after the tape. Little E reveals it has Gwen saying, "Ethan can never know the horrible things I've done." Theresa is psyched, sure Sam's camera has the evidence she needs, especially after Sam and Ivy recount how Beccs fought them for it. Spotting Gwen and Beccs moving toward the door, Ethan demands, "No one's going anywhere till I find out what's on this tape!"
 

Wednesday
August 6, 2008
The Last Step into Goodness

In the church, Tabby is taken aback by the idea that her daughter and Kay were allowed into heaven, especially Kay. Having just heard about the trips to hell, Eve scoffs, "Who is your travel agent?" Tabby wants to hear about Timmy but then Endora pops back into her little girl form, having regained control of her powers on the visit. Eve is taken aback by Endora's cartoon bubble-speak, but Tabby giggles that she'll grow out of it. Out of sorts, Eve goes off for some sacramental wine, but Julian catches her. "Life is a very strange and terrifying thing, but we can face up to anything as long as we're together," he says, and they embrace. Kay says Timmy, who is doing "so wonderful", told them how to save Harmony. Julian and Eve spot Mt. Harmony's fire and Eve wants to start an evacuation, but Kay explains the lava will track down anyone in Harmony and bury them. Tabby adds that with The Dark Side keeping communication down, everyone would think their warnings were crazy.

Endora is all smiles about Timmy's solution, but Kay looks nervous as she starts to say what Tabby must do so save Harmony. "Don't blow a gasket, Mommy," Endora warns, which makes Tabby say, "No more self-sacrificing. That's not really my style, dear." Kay argues that it is her style, as she proved by giving up her powers. Tabby counters she was badgered to do that by her daughter and Esme. As if called, a drunken Esme stumbles in, late for the weddings. Julian and Eve are surprised to learn she knew about Tabby being a witch, but the crew is even more surprised to hear she wants to go to confession. On her way out to find Father L downstairs, she notes that there's lava pouring into the harbor.

With the lava closing in, Tabby seems more open to hearing what she has to do, but then Kay tells her, "You have to get baptized." Tabby laughs at the idea of joining the wrong side. "Harmony is surely doomed," she says, calling Kay mad. When Kay mentions Timmy, Tabby loses her patience. "That busy body do-gooding doll has interfered for the last time!" she cries. Kay snaps up an image of the eruption and Endora bubbles that she must save Harmony. Even Miguel gets in on the action, but Tabby refuses to be a traitor to The Dark Side. "It's time to give back," Julian begs, but Tabby's never gotten anything from locals, except "hot feet" when she was burned at the stake. Endora corrects her father. Tabby won't be giving anything away. "You get something: The greatest gift possible," Kay says. Tabby isn't impressed and asks what gift would make her turn her back on everything. "That's an easy one: Eternal life," Miguel says and Kay explains it's the good eternal life, not the evil kind she's been living. "Heaven? All that singing and dancing and hopping about? You can keep that," Tabby says, but Kay says heaven wasn't like that. She adds that Timmy's up there and is afraid he'll never see her again. But Tabby doesn't want to die and leave Endora behind. "What kind of choice is that? A choice between my daughter and Timmy!" she says, so Miguel again tries to explain what eternal life is and how she can watch her daughter from above. 

Tabby realizes they're all trying to save their own hides. Julian scoffs that it's true, but her own hide will also be saved. She doesn't trust a Crane, not even when Eve says Julian's changed. He recognizes her horrible history with his family, but insists, "The evil reign of the Cranes died along with my father." He plans to use the Crane power for good now, and if Julian can change, Eve figures Tabby can too. "I was created in evil and evil I shall stay," she says, but Kay tells her she's not evil anymore. Thanks to Timmy, she discovered love and then Endora put her over the edge. Tabby fights her, but Kay begs her to "take the last step into goodness." The two are losing patience with each other and Tabby finally cries that witches don't have hearts. Endora pops up a megaphone and Kay holds it to Tabby's chest, where a heart beats. "Goodness and love have made you almost human," Kay says, and Miguel asks her to embrace the human condition. They all want her to be baptized, including her daughter. In fact, it's Endora's dream, so Tabby finally agrees to do it for her daughter.

Meanwhile, everyone in the basement watches as a desperate Gwen tries to get Ethan to leave for their honeymoon. Ethan knows something's not right and Theresa agrees, "I want to watch the tape too, because Gwen looks petrified." Beccs tells her daughter they should go home to wait for her "husband" to come home with an apology, but Ethan insists they stick around. Then he asks his son if he's sure about what's on the tape. When Beccs says, "The lies drip like honey from his mouth, just like his mother," Ethan orders her to watch what she says about his son. Gwen tells him to ignore her mom and believe in her. She insists there's no reason to watch the tape, but Luis and Antonio note she and her mom look petrified. After more back and forth between the ladies and the LP clan, Ethan and Little E look to the camera. Beccs hopes it isn't fixed, because if it is, they're cooked.

After Little E and Luis get it hooked up to the TV, everyone gathers round. Beccs wants to run, but Gwen thinks they can talk their way out of this. The tape starts to play and they hear Gwen say, "Ethan can never ever ever find out what we did." Theresa can taste her win. They quickly figure out that Gwen and her mother must have been caught confessing when Sam left the camera running in the rectory, but there's no sound. Gwen's confidence quickly buoys and she cries insult, hoping Ethan will leave with her. While Little E tries to fix the camera, Theresa points out that just that one line proves Gwen's done horrible things. Gwen says that meant nothing, but Ethan wants an explanation. Gwen goes on to weave an explanation about the amount of money she spent on their honeymoon. Beccs falters, but then gets on board. Theresa can't imagine Ethan's buying it. She can feel they're getting close to the truth and asks Little E how it's coming.

That's when drunken Esme stumbles in, apologizing for missing her best pal's wedding and asking after Father L. As she makes her way across the room, she takes out the camera! Theresa drops to her knees and after looking at it, is sure she'll never get the proof she needs now. She cries that it's not fair and after Esme apologizes, Beccs figures, "Fate doesn’t want you to see the tape after all." Gwen tells her to forget it and claims her hubby. Theresa is not giving up, but Ethan has. When he brings her to her feet, she says God can't be this cruel and they embrace. She wants to fix the camera, but then when Little E says maybe he can, she admits it's not possible. The trio embraces. When Luis suggests they take it to the crime lab, Gwen thanks the group for trying to destroy her marriage. She rolls her eyes at the recording and the camera, so Pilar calls her a "scheming bitch." Gwen argues that Theresa's the one who interfered with fate by stepping into her love and that now, she and Ethan are together as they were meant to be.     

"Poor Theresa," Sheridan sighs to Gwen. She hopes this won't hurt their friendship, but she has to ask, "Do you really want to spend your life with a man who is desperately in love with another woman?" Gwen recalls their vows to do anything to get the men they love and skewers Sheridan for deciding "to go for second best." Sheridan insists Antonio is her fate and that Gwen is making a fool of herself if she expects Ethan to love her.

Ethan tells his mom he'll be alright, "I hope." She insists it's just wrong, while the rest of the group comforts teary Theresa. Ethan asks for a moment alone with her. Everyone backs away, but continues to watch as they say their goodbyes and Theresa cries over the death of her dreams. "I'm only half the man right now, without you," Ethan says and she wishes she'd never kept a secret from him. He realizes every crazy thing she's done was for him. "No matter where you are, our hearts are going to be one," he promises. When Gwen tries to interrupt and rush him off, Ivy tells her to back off. "Can you make him feel like that?" she demands of her daughter-in-law

Gwen knows she can make Ethan happy and announces, "This is now enough!" She orders Theresa to stay away from her husband and informs her that they're leaving. As she walks away, she pulls Ethan by the arm behind her. At the door, she turns back to snark, "It's just fine and okay for all of you to find your true love, but not me?" Pilar says her marriage is a joke, which makes Gwen rail at her for being a bad Catholic who wants Ethan to turn his back on his vows just so her daughter can have her own way. "Gwen honey," Esme smiles, "You're just a bitch, clean and simple and everyone in this room knows it." Gwen refuses to believe that, insisting all's fair in love and war. "I finally won," she says. Ethan steps between her and the group and tells her to calm down. "Now you're embarrassing yourself," he warns. Theresa's family surrounds her as she begs Ethan not to leave her for Gwen. He can't ignore her pain and she can't let him go. She runs and throws her arms around him. Ethan apologizes that with no proof of lies, he can't leave Gwen.

Gwen is annoyed, but relieved… until she hears herself confessing! "Mother, Ethan can never know that Theresa's been right all along: You and I exposed his paternity to the tabloids," her voice says from the camera. Little E has fixed it! Gwen and Beccs jump to action and try to hustle Ethan out, but he cries, "Don't you touch me, you bitch!"

Amid the bustle, Kay tries to zap Father Lonigan upstairs to help with Tabby's quest. Instead, she brings up Esme, leaving Fancy quite confused. After another blast outside, Julian and Eve look out and Eve cries, "The lava is right outside the building!"

 

August 7, 2008
The Grand Finale
There's Finally Harmony in Harmony

In the church, Tabby snarks at Kay for zapping Esme up from the basement instead of Father Lonigan. Esme is offended, but Kay just tries again. When the blind priest pops in, he's confused by the feeling that he's moved, so Kay explains she brought him there to baptize Tabby. "There's no way in hell I will ever baptize that witch," he apologizes, revealing he's known for some time that, "the doer of dark deeds is no other than Tabitha Lennox." Alistair told him, but he figured he could do more to fight her if he kept quiet. Kay, Julian and Eve explain that with Mt. Harmony awake, it's the only way to save locals. He's sure they've all been tricked by evil. Insulted, Tabby rails against what her pals have told her about baptism. "All you mortals are the same. Even you, a so called man of the church. You don't forgive and you don't forget and you sure as hell don't practice what you preach!" she cries. He can't understand how "angry, nasty" Tabitha can be in this holy place and doesn't believe she's not a witch anymore. Esme explains how Tabby lost her powers to bring his parishioners back to life and then Tabby rails again, letting him know she's happy to let them all die now. She tells Endora to zap them out of there and storms off.

Kay runs after her and begs her to stay for her baptism. Tabby doesn't doubt Timmy's plan will work, but pouts, "It's some people's holier than thou attitude that's the problem." Father L apologizes. She doesn't want to hear it, but she accepts it after everyone begs her to. Then the priest says he can't baptize her, which gets everyone up in arms... until he explains he only meant he had to hear her confession first. "That could take some time, Father," Tabby worries. As if in answer, the volcano rumbles. Miguel says he thinks the father has it backwards, anyway, but the priest explains that since she used to be a dirty witch, he wants to do it this way. Since Tabby's long list of misdeeds goes back to BC, Endora puts her mom and Father L on fast forward. "Brace yourself, Father," Tabby warns before going off to confess.

Downstairs, Ethan embraces a heartbroken Theresa. He continues to maintain he must follow his vows, not his heart, because there's no proof Gwen lied to him. That's when the video camera starts broadcastings Gwen's confession about the paternity reveal. Gwen and Beccs try to hustle Ethan out, but he pulls out of Gwen's clasp and growls, "Don't touch me, you bitch." Theresa's tears don't stop, but now they're joyous. Gwen and Beccs try to back out of the room, but Sam blocks their way. Ethan wants them to sit through the boastful tape, which covers everything from the truth of Ethan's paternity reveal to blackmailing Theresa to keep Little E's paternity a secret and then getting Little E to secretly save half-brother Jonathan, not to mention calling in Juanita and laughing over the anticipated LP murders.

A horrified Ethan stops the tape and walks to his wife, shocked she'd let Pilar's entire family be killed by Juanita. Ivy adds her two cents, which makes Beccs accidentally admit to poisoning Eve years ago. Gwen's best girlfriend, Sheridan, shoots her down for putting her son in danger and calls her a bitch. Beccs says Juanita would never have found them if Theresa hadn't gone to Mexico, but all Ethan wants to know is if all these confessions are true. After recounting all she's done with more anger and spine than we've ever known Ethan possessed, he says, "Gwen, you are an evil bitch." Gwen insists she is not. She is his wife, who loves him, and did nothing to hurt anyone. He can't imagine how he's supposed to believe her ever again after that tape. "I hate you and Rebecca," he sneers, so she denies saying anything on the tape. Everyone is intrigued to hear what kind of cockamamie explanation she's going to give. She says it's a fake and points to high tech genius Little E. No one's buying it, but she argues it's a bit too convenient that she and her mother just happened to admit to every single thing Theresa ever said they did. "This is all wrapped up a little too neatly," she concludes, but Little E points out it was put on the tape after the wedding, which makes it real.

When Ethan tells Gwen he believes in his son, Theresa embraces him and pulls Little E in too. Everyone surrounds them with their congratulations. Ivy even manages to apologize to Theresa for not trusting her over Gwen and gives Theresa her blessing. "It's long over due," Ivy admits and then Theresa turns back to Ethan. He confirms they're finally going to be a family and says Theresa will raise Jonathan. "So after all these years, our dream has finally come true," Theresa cries and they kiss. As if it were going to be that easy! Gwen storms that Ethan cannot be with Theresa, since she lied to him too. She tries to say Theresa is just as bad, but Theresa reminds her she let Little E give up a piece of his liver to save Gwen's son. "You always have an excuse for everything," Gwen says. They go back in forth, Gwen losing each round, until Sam walks over with handcuffs. He cuffs her, while Luis gets Beccs, for bribery, blackmail and accessory to the murder of Pilar's sister and nephews and Juanita's bomb plot. Beccs says she'll go, as long as someone hot gives her a strip search. "Dammit," Gwen stomps, finally accepting she's lost.

Back upstairs, Tabby and Father L return from her confession almost immediately thanks to the fast forward assist. Steam is coming out of the priest's ears as he stumbles in and he doesn't know if he'll ever recover, but Miguel tells him it's time to, "Buck up or be burned up." Knowing it's true, the father and Tabby move to the altar, but then the entire crew comes in from the basement, with cuffed Gwen and Beccs front and center. Theresa and Ethan share their news and Pilar glows, "All of my children are with their heart's desire to live out their lives in happiness." Julian chuckles at that, warning they're all going to die instead if Tabby isn't baptized. Tabby rolls her eyes as Eve explains about Mt. Harmony. The new arrivals settle into the pews as they wonder what they've missed and how a baptism would stop anything. "Oh people, you don't even know," Eve says as the ground starts quaking.

The holy water is about to spill and Kay cries that it's The Dark Side trying to stop the baptism. That sounds even stranger, so Eve says, "Just roll with it: Evil wants Harmony destroyed." Julian asks Endora to use her magic, so she shoots some light at the holy water. A glow casts over the group and fades, taking the rumblings with it. Everyone catches their breaths and Tabby is officially baptized. The windows glow red and there's another explosion. "Harmony is toast!" Miguel cries, but Kay believes goodness can prevail. While they wait it out, Esme catches the basement crew up on the adventures of Tabby the witch, including her having lost her powers to save them, and reveals Kay and Endora are still witches. Kay explains all the Standish women have powers, including Jessica and probably Maria.

Finally, the noise outside quiets and a light glows on Tabby. She raises her arms toward the heavens, a look of peace on her face. The glow covers everyone in the pews and they stand and raise their arms. "I'm truly happy for the first time in all my lifetimes," Tabby cries and thanks Timmy. "I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever," she promises. Her salvation has been theirs and evil will reign no more in Harmony - not even Crane evil. "From now on Crane industries will only do good," Julian promises, noting that's really unavoidable, considering the most powerful good witch around is a Crane.            

Suddenly, Gwen and Beccs clothes are replaced by polyester jumpsuits. "This is God's way of saying, 'Clean up your act,'" Theresa quips. Then Beccs recalls the time she and Gwen went to Vegas to get over Ethan, "and you ended up marrying that guy you met." Gwen jumps, horrified to learn that wasn't actually a dream, as Beccs had told her. Even worse, there was no divorce. After Gwen tries to strangle her mother, Ethan finally realizes his marriage is null and void! "We can get married right now!" Theresa cheers. She asks Kay to zap the ladies out of there, so Kay says, "Happy cleaning" and they're gone.

Everyone takes their seats for the final wedding, but Endora asks the priest to wait. She touches his forehead and pulls his glasses off. "Oh my God, I can see," the emotional priest stutters and everyone tears up. He's amazed that Tabby hasn't aged a day and puts his hands together to thank and bless Endora. Then, it's time for the wedding. The happy father spins into place, while Kay zaps Theresa into a gown and Ethan into a new tux. "Having a witch in the family, that's going to be some fun," Sam smiles and even Miguel has to admit he's accepted it. Tabby says everything's almost perfect and she'll settle for almost, but then Timmy arrives to take her hand! Now, it's perfect.

As Theresa walks down the aisle, an excited Fancy tells Luis she's pregnant. They kiss, while Antonio and Sheridan dream of sharing that joy one day. Noah's relieved he and Paloma decided to wait till they have money to have kids, but then she says, "That was the plan." They too are expecting! She's worried he's angry, but he's ecstatic. "There's finally Harmony in Harmony," Eve sighs and Julian is happy too, in spite of his penis issues. "If you want me to, I can fix it," Kay offers. Eve and Julian jump at the idea, so Kay takes Julian's hand and his crotch glows. He and Eve cheer, excited his member is back in service. Behind them, Tabby tells Timmy he's right. "God's love is heavenly." Up at the front, Ethan and Theresa finally take hands. "This isn't our fantasy laid out as reality, is it?" she asks Ethan. Then the music stops and the two look out, directly at the camera, concerned it may be another one of those dreams (and teasing the audience after years of false starts). Then Ethan promises, "This is reality."  

Then Gwen and Beccs return to stop the wedding. A cop stops them instead, but Beccs wants to know why everyone else got a happy ending and not them. "If you're sincere about being good, you can," the priest tells her. They both swear they are and when Beccs hears her donkey honking for her, she smiles, "There's my happy ending." As for Gwen, the handsome cop holding her says, "I always had a thing about bad girls gone good. What do you say we get to know each other a little better once you get out on bail?" Gwen is pleased. Then Esme freaks. Out of booze and on the brink of sobriety, she orders them to get the marriage under way so they can start partying.

Finally, Ethan takes his teary true love as his wife and then she takes him for her hubby. They're pronounced married and kiss. The crowd stands to applaud the last set of newlyweds. After their kiss, Theresa looks into the camera and says, "So, after all these years, I have learned one thing for sure: Always follow your passion, because that and that alone will lead you to your happy ending." Ethan winks at the camera and kisses Theresa. Then the Harmony locals laugh waves as balloons fall from above.

After a thank you from everyone at Passions, the crew joins the cast in church for more waving and hollering, while Timmy's voice sings the show out with "Auld Lang Syne."

Goodbye Harmony - you won't be forgot!

 

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All photographs are courtesy of Soapoperafan.com. 


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