* The Final Episode *
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August 7, 2008
The Grand Finale
There's Finally Harmony in Harmony
the church, Tabby snarks at Kay for zapping Esme up from the basement instead of
Father Lonigan. Esme is offended, but Kay just tries again. When the blind
priest pops in, he's confused by the feeling that he's moved, so Kay explains
she brought him there to baptize Tabby. "There's no way in hell I will ever
baptize that witch," he apologizes, revealing he's known for some time that,
"the doer of dark deeds is no other than Tabitha Lennox." Alistair told him, but
he figured he could do more to fight her if he kept quiet. Kay, Julian and Eve
explain that with Mt. Harmony awake, it's the only way to save locals. He's sure
they've all been tricked by evil. Insulted, Tabby rails against what her pals
have told her about baptism. "All you mortals are the same. Even you, a so
called man of the church. You don't forgive and you don't forget and you sure as
hell don't practice what you preach!" she cries. He can't understand how "angry,
nasty" Tabitha can be in this holy place and doesn't believe she's not a witch
anymore. Esme explains how Tabby lost her powers to bring his parishioners back
to life and then Tabby rails again, letting him know she's happy to let them all
die now. She tells Endora to zap them out of there and storms off.
Kay runs after her and begs her to stay for her baptism.
Tabby doesn't doubt Timmy's plan will work, but pouts, "It's some people's
holier than thou attitude that's the problem." Father L apologizes. She doesn't
want to hear it, but she accepts it after everyone begs her to. Then the priest
says he can't baptize her, which gets everyone up in arms... until he explains
he only meant he had to hear her confession first. "That could take some time,
Father," Tabby worries. As if in answer, the volcano rumbles. Miguel says he
thinks the father has it backwards, anyway, but the priest explains that since
she used to be a dirty witch, he wants to do it this way. Since Tabby's long
list of misdeeds goes back to BC, Endora puts her mom and Father L on fast
forward. "Brace yourself, Father," Tabby warns before going off to confess.
Ethan embraces a heartbroken Theresa. He continues to maintain he must follow
his vows, not his heart, because there's no proof Gwen lied to him. That's when
the video camera starts broadcastings Gwen's confession about the paternity reveal.
Gwen and Beccs try to hustle Ethan out, but he pulls out of Gwen's clasp and
growls, "Don't touch me, you bitch." Theresa's tears don't stop, but now they're
joyous. Gwen and Beccs try to back out of the room, but Sam blocks their way.
Ethan wants them to sit through the boastful tape, which covers everything from
the truth of Ethan's paternity reveal to blackmailing Theresa to keep Little E's
paternity a secret and then getting Little E to secretly save half-brother
Jonathan, not to mention calling in Juanita and laughing over the anticipated LP
horrified Ethan stops the tape and walks to his wife, shocked she'd let Pilar's
entire family be killed by Juanita. Ivy adds her two cents, which makes Beccs
accidentally admit to poisoning Eve years ago. Gwen's best girlfriend, Sheridan,
shoots her down for putting her son in danger and calls her a bitch. Beccs says
Juanita would never have found them if Theresa hadn't gone to Mexico, but all
Ethan wants to know is if all these confessions are true. After recounting all
she's done with more anger and spine than we've ever known Ethan possessed, he
says, "Gwen, you are an evil bitch." Gwen insists she is not. She is his wife,
who loves him, and did nothing to hurt anyone. He can't imagine how he's
supposed to believe her ever again after that tape. "I hate you and Rebecca," he
sneers, so she denies saying anything on the tape. Everyone is intrigued to hear
what kind of cockamamie explanation she's going to give. She says it's a fake
and points to high tech genius Little E. No one's buying it, but she argues it's
a bit too convenient that she and her mother just happened to admit to every
single thing Theresa ever said they did. "This is all wrapped up a little too
neatly," she concludes, but Little E points out it was put on the tape after the
wedding, which makes it real.
When Ethan tells Gwen he believes in his son, Theresa
embraces him and pulls Little E in too. Everyone surrounds them with their
congratulations. Ivy even manages to apologize to Theresa for not trusting her
over Gwen and gives Theresa her blessing. "It's long over due," Ivy admits and
then Theresa turns back to Ethan. He confirms they're finally going to be a
family and says Theresa will raise Jonathan. "So after all these years, our
dream has finally come true," Theresa cries and they kiss. As if it were going
to be that easy! Gwen storms that Ethan cannot be with Theresa, since she lied
to him too. She tries to say Theresa is just as bad, but Theresa reminds her she
let Little E give up a piece of his liver to save Gwen's son. "You always have
an excuse for everything," Gwen says. They go back in forth, Gwen losing each
round, until Sam walks over with handcuffs. He cuffs her, while Luis gets Beccs,
for bribery, blackmail and accessory to the murder of Pilar's sister and nephews
and Juanita's bomb plot. Beccs says she'll go, as long as someone hot gives her
a strip search. "Dammit," Gwen stomps, finally accepting she's lost.
upstairs, Tabby and Father L return from her confession almost immediately
thanks to the fast forward assist. Steam is coming out of the priest's ears as
he stumbles in and he doesn't know if he'll ever recover, but Miguel tells him
it's time to, "Buck up or be burned up." Knowing it's true, the father and Tabby
move to the altar, but then the entire crew comes in from the basement, with
cuffed Gwen and Beccs front and center. Theresa and Ethan share their news and
Pilar glows, "All of my children are with their heart's desire to live out their
lives in happiness." Julian chuckles at that, warning they're all going to die
instead if Tabby isn't baptized. Tabby rolls her eyes as Eve explains about Mt.
Harmony. The new arrivals settle into the pews as they wonder what they've
missed and how a baptism would stop anything. "Oh people, you don't even know,"
Eve says as the ground starts quaking.
holy water is about to spill and Kay cries that it's The Dark Side trying to
stop the baptism. That sounds even stranger, so Eve says, "Just roll with it:
Evil wants Harmony destroyed." Julian asks Endora to use her magic, so she
shoots some light at the holy water. A glow casts over the group and fades,
taking the rumblings with it. Everyone catches their breaths and Tabby is
officially baptized. The windows glow red and there's another explosion.
"Harmony is toast!" Miguel cries, but Kay believes goodness can prevail. While
they wait it out, Esme catches the basement crew up on the adventures of Tabby
the witch, including her having lost her powers to save them, and reveals Kay
and Endora are still witches. Kay explains all the Standish women have powers,
including Jessica and probably Maria.
Finally, the noise outside quiets and a light glows on
Tabby. She raises her arms toward the heavens, a look of peace on her face. The
glow covers everyone in the pews and they stand and raise their arms. "I'm truly
happy for the first time in all my lifetimes," Tabby cries and thanks Timmy. "I
will dwell in the house of the Lord forever," she promises. Her salvation has
been theirs and evil will reign no more in Harmony - not even Crane evil. "From
now on Crane industries will only do good," Julian promises, noting that's
really unavoidable, considering the most powerful good witch around is a Crane.
Suddenly, Gwen and Beccs clothes are replaced by polyester
jumpsuits. "This is God's way of saying, 'Clean up your act,'" Theresa quips.
Then Beccs recalls the time she and Gwen went to Vegas to get over Ethan, "and
you ended up marrying that guy you met." Gwen jumps, horrified to learn that
wasn't actually a dream, as Beccs had told her. Even worse, there was no
divorce. After Gwen tries to strangle her mother, Ethan finally realizes his
marriage is null and void! "We can get married right now!" Theresa cheers. She
asks Kay to zap the ladies out of there, so Kay says, "Happy cleaning" and
takes their seats for the final wedding, but Endora asks the priest to wait. She
touches his forehead and pulls his glasses off. "Oh my God, I can see," the
emotional priest stutters and everyone tears up. He's amazed that Tabby hasn't
aged a day and puts his hands together to thank and bless Endora. Then, it's
time for the wedding. The happy father spins into place, while Kay zaps Theresa
into a gown and Ethan into a new tux. "Having a witch in the family, that's
going to be some fun," Sam smiles and even Miguel has to admit he's accepted it.
Tabby says everything's almost perfect and she'll settle for almost, but then
Timmy arrives to take her hand! Now, it's perfect.
Theresa walks down the aisle, an excited Fancy tells Luis she's pregnant. They
kiss, while Antonio and Sheridan dream of sharing that joy one day. Noah's
relieved he and Paloma decided to wait till they have money to have kids, but
then she says, "That was the plan." They too are expecting! She's worried he's
angry, but he's ecstatic. "There's finally Harmony in Harmony," Eve sighs and
Julian is happy too, in spite of his penis issues. "If you want me to, I can fix
it," Kay offers. Eve and Julian jump at the idea, so Kay takes Julian's hand and
his crotch glows. He and Eve cheer, excited his member is back in service.
Behind them, Tabby tells Timmy he's right. "God's love is heavenly." Up at the
front, Ethan and Theresa finally take hands. "This isn't our fantasy laid out as
reality, is it?" she asks Ethan. Then the music stops and the two look out,
directly at the camera, concerned it may be another one of those dreams (and
teasing the audience after years of false starts). Then Ethan promises, "This is
Gwen and Beccs return to stop the wedding. A cop stops them instead, but Beccs
wants to know why everyone else got a happy ending and not them. "If you're
sincere about being good, you can," the priest tells her. They both swear they
are and when Beccs hears her donkey honking for her, she smiles, "There's my
happy ending." As for Gwen, the handsome cop holding her says, "I always had a
thing about bad girls gone good. What do you say we get to know each other a
little better once you get out on bail?" Gwen is pleased. Then Esme freaks. Out
of booze and on the brink of sobriety, she orders them to get the marriage under
way so they can start partying.
Ethan takes his teary true love as his wife and then she takes him for her
hubby. They're pronounced married and kiss. The crowd stands to applaud the last
set of newlyweds. After their kiss, Theresa looks into the camera and says, "So,
after all these years, I have learned one thing for sure: Always follow your
passion, because that and that alone will lead you to your happy ending." Ethan
winks at the camera and kisses Theresa. Then the Harmony locals laugh waves as
balloons fall from above.
After a thank you from everyone at Passions, the crew joins
the cast in church for more waving and hollering, while Timmy's voice sings the
show out with "Auld
Goodbye Harmony - you won't be forgot!
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