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August 6, 2008
The Last Step into Goodness

In the church, Tabby is taken aback by the idea that her daughter and Kay were allowed into heaven, especially Kay. Having just heard about the trips to hell, Eve scoffs, "Who is your travel agent?" Tabby wants to hear about Timmy but then Endora pops back into her little girl form, having regained control of her powers on the visit. Eve is taken aback by Endora's cartoon bubble-speak, but Tabby giggles that she'll grow out of it. Out of sorts, Eve goes off for some sacramental wine, but Julian catches her. "Life is a very strange and terrifying thing, but we can face up to anything as long as we're together," he says, and they embrace. Kay says Timmy, who is doing "so wonderful", told them how to save Harmony. Julian and Eve spot Mt. Harmony's fire and Eve wants to start an evacuation, but Kay explains the lava will track down anyone in Harmony and bury them. Tabby adds that with The Dark Side keeping communication down, everyone would think their warnings were crazy.

Endora is all smiles about Timmy's solution, but Kay looks nervous as she starts to say what Tabby must do so save Harmony. "Don't blow a gasket, Mommy," Endora warns, which makes Tabby say, "No more self-sacrificing. That's not really my style, dear." Kay argues that it is her style, as she proved by giving up her powers. Tabby counters she was badgered to do that by her daughter and Esme. As if called, a drunken Esme stumbles in, late for the weddings. Julian and Eve are surprised to learn she knew about Tabby being a witch, but the crew is even more surprised to hear she wants to go to confession. On her way out to find Father L downstairs, she notes that there's lava pouring into the harbor.

With the lava closing in, Tabby seems more open to hearing what she has to do, but then Kay tells her, "You have to get baptized." Tabby laughs at the idea of joining the wrong side. "Harmony is surely doomed," she says, calling Kay mad. When Kay mentions Timmy, Tabby loses her patience. "That busy body do-gooding doll has interfered for the last time!" she cries. Kay snaps up an image of the eruption and Endora bubbles that she must save Harmony. Even Miguel gets in on the action, but Tabby refuses to be a traitor to The Dark Side. "It's time to give back," Julian begs, but Tabby's never gotten anything from locals, except "hot feet" when she was burned at the stake. Endora corrects her father. Tabby won't be giving anything away. "You get something: The greatest gift possible," Kay says. Tabby isn't impressed and asks what gift would make her turn her back on everything. "That's an easy one: Eternal life," Miguel says and Kay explains it's the good eternal life, not the evil kind she's been living. "Heaven? All that singing and dancing and hopping about? You can keep that," Tabby says, but Kay says heaven wasn't like that. She adds that Timmy's up there and is afraid he'll never see her again. But Tabby doesn't want to die and leave Endora behind. "What kind of choice is that? A choice between my daughter and Timmy!" she says, so Miguel again tries to explain what eternal life is and how she can watch her daughter from above. 

Tabby realizes they're all trying to save their own hides. Julian scoffs that it's true, but her own hide will also be saved. She doesn't trust a Crane, not even when Eve says Julian's changed. He recognizes her horrible history with his family, but insists, "The evil reign of the Cranes died along with my father." He plans to use the Crane power for good now, and if Julian can change, Eve figures Tabby can too. "I was created in evil and evil I shall stay," she says, but Kay tells her she's not evil anymore. Thanks to Timmy, she discovered love and then Endora put her over the edge. Tabby fights her, but Kay begs her to "take the last step into goodness." The two are losing patience with each other and Tabby finally cries that witches don't have hearts. Endora pops up a megaphone and Kay holds it to Tabby's chest, where a heart beats. "Goodness and love have made you almost human," Kay says, and Miguel asks her to embrace the human condition. They all want her to be baptized, including her daughter. In fact, it's Endora's dream, so Tabby finally agrees to do it for her daughter.

Meanwhile, everyone in the basement watches as a desperate Gwen tries to get Ethan to leave for their honeymoon. Ethan knows something's not right and Theresa agrees, "I want to watch the tape too, because Gwen looks petrified." Beccs tells her daughter they should go home to wait for her "husband" to come home with an apology, but Ethan insists they stick around. Then he asks his son if he's sure about what's on the tape. When Beccs says, "The lies drip like honey from his mouth, just like his mother," Ethan orders her to watch what she says about his son. Gwen tells him to ignore her mom and believe in her. She insists there's no reason to watch the tape, but Luis and Antonio note she and her mom look petrified. After more back and forth between the ladies and the LP clan, Ethan and Little E look to the camera. Beccs hopes it isn't fixed, because if it is, they're cooked.

After Little E and Luis get it hooked up to the TV, everyone gathers round. Beccs wants to run, but Gwen thinks they can talk their way out of this. The tape starts to play and they hear Gwen say, "Ethan can never ever ever find out what we did." Theresa can taste her win. They quickly figure out that Gwen and her mother must have been caught confessing when Sam left the camera running in the rectory, but there's no sound. Gwen's confidence quickly buoys and she cries insult, hoping Ethan will leave with her. While Little E tries to fix the camera, Theresa points out that just that one line proves Gwen's done horrible things. Gwen says that meant nothing, but Ethan wants an explanation. Gwen goes on to weave an explanation about the amount of money she spent on their honeymoon. Beccs falters, but then gets on board. Theresa can't imagine Ethan's buying it. She can feel they're getting close to the truth and asks Little E how it's coming.

That's when drunken Esme stumbles in, apologizing for missing her best pal's wedding and asking after Father L. As she makes her way across the room, she takes out the camera! Theresa drops to her knees and after looking at it, is sure she'll never get the proof she needs now. She cries that it's not fair and after Esme apologizes, Beccs figures, "Fate doesn’t want you to see the tape after all." Gwen tells her to forget it and claims her hubby. Theresa is not giving up, but Ethan has. When he brings her to her feet, she says God can't be this cruel and they embrace. She wants to fix the camera, but then when Little E says maybe he can, she admits it's not possible. The trio embraces. When Luis suggests they take it to the crime lab, Gwen thanks the group for trying to destroy her marriage. She rolls her eyes at the recording and the camera, so Pilar calls her a "scheming bitch." Gwen argues that Theresa's the one who interfered with fate by stepping into her love and that now, she and Ethan are together as they were meant to be.     

"Poor Theresa," Sheridan sighs to Gwen. She hopes this won't hurt their friendship, but she has to ask, "Do you really want to spend your life with a man who is desperately in love with another woman?" Gwen recalls their vows to do anything to get the men they love and skewers Sheridan for deciding "to go for second best." Sheridan insists Antonio is her fate and that Gwen is making a fool of herself if she expects Ethan to love her.

Ethan tells his mom he'll be alright, "I hope." She insists it's just wrong, while the rest of the group comforts teary Theresa. Ethan asks for a moment alone with her. Everyone backs away, but continues to watch as they say their goodbyes and Theresa cries over the death of her dreams. "I'm only half the man right now, without you," Ethan says and she wishes she'd never kept a secret from him. He realizes every crazy thing she's done was for him. "No matter where you are, our hearts are going to be one," he promises. When Gwen tries to interrupt and rush him off, Ivy tells her to back off. "Can you make him feel like that?" she demands of her daughter-in-law

Gwen knows she can make Ethan happy and announces, "This is now enough!" She orders Theresa to stay away from her husband and informs her that they're leaving. As she walks away, she pulls Ethan by the arm behind her. At the door, she turns back to snark, "It's just fine and okay for all of you to find your true love, but not me?" Pilar says her marriage is a joke, which makes Gwen rail at her for being a bad Catholic who wants Ethan to turn his back on his vows just so her daughter can have her own way. "Gwen honey," Esme smiles, "You're just a bitch, clean and simple and everyone in this room knows it." Gwen refuses to believe that, insisting all's fair in love and war. "I finally won," she says. Ethan steps between her and the group and tells her to calm down. "Now you're embarrassing yourself," he warns. Theresa's family surrounds her as she begs Ethan not to leave her for Gwen. He can't ignore her pain and she can't let him go. She runs and throws her arms around him. Ethan apologizes that with no proof of lies, he can't leave Gwen.

Gwen is annoyed, but relieved… until she hears herself confessing! "Mother, Ethan can never know that Theresa's been right all along: You and I exposed his paternity to the tabloids," her voice says from the camera. Little E has fixed it! Gwen and Beccs jump to action and try to hustle Ethan out, but he cries, "Don't you touch me, you bitch!"

Amid the bustle, Kay tries to zap Father Lonigan upstairs to help with Tabby's quest. Instead, she brings up Esme, leaving Fancy quite confused. After another blast outside, Julian and Eve look out and Eve cries, "The lava is right outside the building!"

On the Next Passions

"You're going to know everything. We're going to be together," Theresa cheers.

Eve explains that Mt Harmony has erupted and the lava's coming, but Father Lonigan says, "There's no way in hell I will ever baptize that witch."

Dressed as a bride, Theresa walks down the aisle to Ethan.


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